Tag Archives: jane booth

Saturday 31st May 2025 – AS I SHOULD …

… have expected (because, as regular readers of this rubbish will recall, it’s par for the course), this idea of changing my dialysis to the mornings was just a brief, ephemeral illusion.

When I arrived there this afternoon, I told them that my cleaner and I had had a lengthy discussion and decided that it was a much more practical arrangement for us, only to be told "it’s OK – we’ve found another solution now."

What with everything through which I have gone over the past few years, I’m convinced that the medical service (everywhere in the World, not just here) fails to understand that we are not pawns on a chessboard that can be moved here and there at will or at a whim. We are human beings, with lives of our own to fulfil and (in my case at least) my own life and activities have a much higher priority that anything that the hospital can conjure up.

So, as you can probably tell, I was in a bad mood today.

There isn’t any special reason for that either. Although it wasn’t early when I went to bed, it wasn’t all that late either. I was asleep quite quickly too, and there I stayed, totally flat out, until about 05:50.

It took something of an effort to raise myself from the Dead but when the alarm went off at 07:00 I’d sorted myself out in the bathroom, washed the clothes that needed washing and was on my way to the kitchen for my medication.

Back in here, I had a listen to the dictaphone to find out where I’d been during the night. There was a group of us from school again hanging around together. One of them was a girl from Shavington who went to Nuthurst, the exclusive private primary school in Nantwich. We were talking about the maths classes, discussing in particular these pyramid graph things that we used to do, describing how we used to do them and talking about one or two examples. This girl was saying that during one or two of her maths classes she became carried away and began to make one of these pyramid graph things for the pills but by the time she reached about the third row she just put the downward shafts and wrote underneath “lots and lots”. There was also something about someone whose idea of a pyramid graph was that if he had something like a small party and a big party he would just draw simply one line between the two elements and that would be his pyramid graph.

There’s a story about that girl too, but that’s another one that the World is not yet ready to hear

One thing that I, and, presumably, regular readers of this rubbish will recall is that just recently there has been a whole spate of these stories that the World is not yet ready to hear, coming into my subconscious mind during the night. There’s definitely an undercurrent of something, and I wish that I knew what it was. Maybe is simply a story of regrets for my wasted, mis-spent youth. But on the other hand, it’s certainly not wasted or mis-spent because everything about it was what brought me here. As Paul Peña once famously wrote and Steve Miller famously sang, YOU KNOW YOU GOTTA GO THROUGH HELL BEFORE YOU GET TO HEAVEN

Later on, I was in Congleton with the guitarist and drummer with whom I used to play. We were going somewhere in my van and we reached a house. I left the van and said that I’d be back in a minute, and wandered off. Then I came back and we climbed into the van and went to the next place. I said again “I’ll be back in a minute”, left the van and went into the drive. There was a woman there smoking a cigarette. I asked her a question and she just gave me a strange look, so I asked it to her again. She just smiled and gave me a very non-committal answer so I’ve no idea what was the matter with her. I went round to the back of the house and knocked onto the door. I could hear someone say that there was someone at the door. At that moment a big tabby cat stuck its head through the window so I went to stroke it. Then some young guy came to the door. I told him that my guitarist wanted to see him. He grabbed his cigarettes, came outside and went down to the van. We ended up then in another house. His response was that he was really comfortable with the idea that people from the street could come and go into their house at any time they liked. When the guitarist came back from wherever he had been, they began to talk. The drummer joined in with the conversation. I felt that I was being isolated here and I’d no idea why. In the end I simply sat down and waited for everything to finish.

When that group came to an end back in the Winter of 1976, my intuition told me that I actually was being slowly isolated and edged out, which was a shame. And then I had a load of other preoccupations that stopped me from pressing on. For the next couple of summers I lived in my van with the winter spent in that squat. It was not a very happy time and it took me a while to sort myself out – a task that is still not finished 50 or so years further on.

The nurse was on time today for a change, and we had the usual banal chatter about nothing of any importance whatsoever.

After he left I could make my breakfast and read some more of MY BOOK. We didn’t stay long at Scarborough, and we’ve now arrived at Skenfrith Castle, which is in that fine old English county of … errr … Monmouthshire.

And here we go again. On page 469 he tells us that "there is a sort of recess, which may have been the kitchen fireplace, the cooking being usually, in these towers, carried on in an upper floor".

Meanwhile, on page 471, he tells us that "The history of Skenfrith is obscure, but it is evident that it was built simply to contain a small garrison, and not at all as a private residence. The area contains no trace of hall, chapel, or kitchen."

Don’t you wish that he’d make up his mind?

Back in here, I’ve been chatting to plumbers. I posted an advertisement on one of these traders’ websites for someone to take away the bath and tile around where the bath used to be. I’ve had a few enquiries and I spent most of the morning following them up. We’ll see where this takes me.

My cleaner turned up, bang on time, to fit my anaesthetic patches and it was such a lovely day that we went outside to stand in the sunshine until the taxi arrived. And we took full advantage of the nice weather, because the taxi didn’t arrive until 13:05.

It was a nice, sunny drive down to Avranches and, to my surprise, I was seen quite quickly too. And only three and a half hours today which is good news. The less-than-good news is that the ice-cold spray that they recommended didn’t seem to do me much good and one of the pins hurt like Hades all through the session.

Early on, for about fifteen minutes, I crashed out but I soon got to grips with myself and pressed on to revise my Welsh, seeing as I’ll be in Paris on Tuesday instead of at my lesson. But it’s hard going when I’m wracked with pain like that. I really can’t concentrate.

Eventually I was let out and the same driver who brought me took me home in the sun and warmth. My cleaner was waiting for me and it was just as well, because it was a very, very weary me who climbed up these stairs. I shall really be glad to be downstairs and can cut out all of this.

Back in here I collapsed into a chair for a while and then eventually went to make tea. Falafel, baked potato and salad followed by ginger cake and soya dessert.

So right now, I’ll dictate my radio notes and go to bed, in the (vain) hope of having a nice, long sleep. It’s been a while since the last one and in principle, it’s a lie-in tomorrow.

But seeing as we have been talking about pyramids … "well, one of us has" – ed … it reminds me of a story that Frankie Howerd used to tell.
During World War II he used to say that he served in Egypt and on one occasion he was taken in an aeroplane to see the pyramids.
Halfway round the circuit, the plane was hit by a gust of wind. It turned upside-down and Frankie fell out.
The pilot recovered control and performed a circuit around to see if he could see anything, when suddenly there was a “thud” and Frankie was back in his seat.
"What the …" uttered the pilot
"Don’t you worry about it" said Frankie. "The point on that pyramid is sharper than it looks"

Thursday 23rd March 2023 – AT 04:45 THIS MORNING …

… I was up and about wandering around the apartment. So much for my idea of having a nice deep sleep sometime.

What’s even more surprising is that i’ve managed to keep going all day as well without very much sign of dropping off to sleep. Mind you, I’d be a liar if I were to say that I’d had a productive day today. Not even I am that good!

However I did go off to sleep at some point during the night because there were a few travels that I’d managed to dictate at some point. I was cooking a meal last night with a group of people. I added the cornflour into the liquid to make a gravy. After I’d added it I noticed that there were tons of liquid in there. The whole thing was about a foot deep in water. Of course I’d added the cornflour so I had to drain out the liquid but try to keep the cornflour still in. I went to drain it but it wouldn’t drain properly. Then something fall into the sink and wedged underneath the pan so I couldn’t tip the pan any further. In the end I had to get a sponge, stick it in and use that to absorb the water then squeeze it out in order to make sure that there wasn’t too much gravy. But it looked an absolute mess. Of course the cornflour had disappeared while I was doing all of this. I was going to have to turn round and make this gravy again because I’d had it in an awful state.

There was a girl I knew from school who lived in Shavington and who was about 11 or so. Not a popular girl, she was a little overweight at the time. No-one really took her seriously. She had to move a car, a silver MkIII estate. She moved it around in this garage. When I saw her she was standing by this car looking really sad. I asked her what was the matter. She didn’t say very much so I was cajoling her, trying to have her tell me what was happening but she was very reluctant to speak. I thought that I’d leave it for a while. later she asked for a volunteer to watch her reverse the car.Everyone else there shouted “no” so I said that I’d voluteer to watch her. It was as if she didn’t hear me. It didn’t register with her. She didn’t turn towards me or anything – she just carried on asking others around this garage at the top of her voice and they replied equally at the top of their voices “no”.

At another point I was with someone watching some events unfold, some very surreal events about some people with a red Reliant van that was continually changing into a red A35 van. It all involved a plot about something going on in Hebden Bridge. I wish that I could remember who it was I was with – it was someone whom I knew very well. We were watching this. I didn’t know where I was at first but then it suddenly struck me that “yes, this is Hebden Bridge”. The person said “yes! And do you know why this film was made in Hebden Bridge?”. I didn’t so the person replied that it was to do with a Court case. I suddenly remembered that there was a little girl who had been murdered and some famous author had written something really disparaging about the town and its inhabitants. When it was discovered that it was someone xompletely different who was responsible the judge ordered him to use his talents to bring some money into the town as a way of recompense. I was talking to this person saying about how I’d stayed in Hebden bridge for a while with someone. The conversation drifted on to our life in the Auvergne. She said “do you remember that patch of garden that I still haven’t done yet?”. I replied “yes” so she asked “why don’t we go back to my house and do it?”. I replied “that sounds like a good idea”. She answered “yes, but I bet that we won’t”.

And I wish that I could remember who it was. It was someone whom I knew very well but I can’t think who it was.

When the alarm went off at 07:30 I was already out of bed dressing, and then I went off for the medication. And having checked the mails and messages I had a very slow start to the day.

Eventually I managed to find the enthusiasm to do some work so I’ve been pairing off the music for another radio programme and writing the notes. And I might have finished them too exceot for a couple of interruptions here and there and another long chat with Rosemary.

The physiotherapist didn’t come today. He’s still feeling under the weather and he’s going to try to come tomorrow if he can.

That was rather disappointing because there has been another improvement in my physical well-being and I almost felt well enough to go to the waste bins outside on my own without crutches, but discretion was the better part of valour there.

Howevern the highlight of my really exciting day was to take out the rubbish and then to bring back the rest of the shopping from Caliburn. And I can say without fear of contradiction that that was the best expedition that I’ve been on since I’ve been back from Canada. In fact I felt not far from normal, and that’s a worrying thought, isn’t it?

While we’re on the subject of my trip out … “well, one of us is” – ed … I’ve had the confirmation of my trip to leuven on 11th May. So tomorrow I need to ring up and change my other Leuven appointments to the same day to try to avoid two trips. The bad news is that Alison tells me that she’s in the UK that week so we’ll miss each other yet again.

Tea tonight was something different. While I was going through the freezer the other day I came across some kind of Chinese pastries that I’d bought from Noz ages ago. I’m not sure why, but at least they were vegan. So I bunged half of them in the air fryer for 8 minutes while I made some rice and veg, and liberally soaked in soy sauce they were actually quite nice.

The other half is in the freezer waiting for another time and when I eat those, I’ll try to remember to fry the rice with soy sauce. That will probably be even better. But once more, the air fryer strikes again.

So I’m off to bed in a minute. But I’m not going to make any remarks about sleeping. I’ll just have to take things as they come and if I fall asleep during the day, that’s just too bad. It can’t be helped.

But I wish that I could.

Monday 30th May 2016 – ONE THING THAT I’VE LEARNT TODAY …

… is that I won’t be having my next chemotherapy session for quite a while.

It seems that in the opinion of the hospital, I’m far to ill right now to go through all of the stresses that chemotherapy will provide and they think that I ought to recover first.

I have to say that I don’t like the sound of that one little bit. As far as I’m concerned, being ill doesn’t make the slightest difference. I don’t see an issue about chemotherapy making me any more ill – I’ll be suffering just the same and the quicker the treatment starts, the quicker it will be over and the quicker I’ll start to recover. Waiting until I’m feeling better and then making me ill again is just in my opinion absurd. I only want to be ill once.

And if I don’t improve, then I won’t ever have the chemotherapy and then I’ll be back where I started all of these months ago and that’s really defeating the purpose of my coming here.

As you can tell, I’ve had a visit from the doctor this afternoon. She didn’t stay long and didn’t even give me a check-over – she just came to give me the news.

I had a really bad night again last night. I took ages to go off to sleep, mainly due to the fact that I had a really bad pain right across the right side of my chest. It just wouldn’t go away and I just couldn’t find a comfortable position. It was so bad that I felt like calling for some emergency help (now that’s not like me, is it?) but I managed to hang on.

And then once I did drop off, I kept on waking up time after time after time. I really can’t sleep properly at all in this place. But drop off I must have done, because I was off on my travels again.

I was in a house that I owned, in Nantwich down by Crewe Road end but it wasn’t a terraced house such as is there but a modern semi-detached property. I’d had the morning off work and was due to go in for the afternoon but all kinds of delays were holding me up. eventually, I’d sorted out my pushbike, found my heavy blue-grey overcoat, decided what cap I was going to wear (because it was teeming down outside) and eventually I set off. But it was freezing cold too and I decided that I needed my gloves so had to turn back. And this made me wonder whether it was worth setting out again as the office would be closed by the time that I arrived. But as I reached back home I noticed my red Ford Cortina estate, XCL 465X, in the drive and it had been driven in instead of reversed in, as I always do without fail when I’m parking. That took me completely by surprise.
And a little later we were at a huge Open University Students Association (OUSA) meeting and there were hundreds of us in attendance. I found my way in, nearly last (not like me) and struggled into a corner where there were several people whom I knew, including a girl called Jane who was in my class at school (what she was doing at an OUSA meeting is anyone’s guess). We were having a chat about old times when the meeting abruptly started. The first speaker, a woman we knew, started to talk but went so quick that we couldn’t make notes and everyone bellowed at her in unison to slow down and start again – which she did, but after a couple of minutes started to roar off again and we found it impossible to keep track of what we were saying.

The doctor wasn’t the only visitor that I had either. I had a hospital visitor come to chat with me for a couple of minutes and that was quite a break from my routine. She didn’t have much to say, which was no surprise, but she tried her best to cheer me up and encourage my morale and you can never criticise someone for that.

But while I was talking to her, I somehow managed to put my back out of joint and that hurt for ages. I’m definitely breaking up, aren’t I?

The rest of the day has been quite quiet. I’ve sat in the day room and, for a change, done some work (I need to keep myself properly organised and properly focused), and that’s really my lot. As you know, there’s not really a lot else that I can be doing right now. I need to exert myself a little but it’s not easy. Even if I were to find the motivation, there ust aren’t the opportunities just now.

Still, maybe I’ll cheer up tomorrow.