… "He means ‘Masterpiece’ " – ed …

Indeed I do. I’ve been a busy boy today, doing a pile of baking, and making use of my new scientific measuring gauge for the water. And everything that I cooked today turned out to be exactly as it is supposed to be – bread rising up like a lift, cakes actually looking like cakes and all of that kind of thing.

Probably, what contributed a lot to that was the fact that I’d had an early night. It was at about 23:05 when I’d finished everything that I would normally finish before going to bed, and then there was the dictating of the radio notes to do.

Even though I made yet another total hash of what I was supposed to be dictating, it was still all done by 23:40 and by 23:45 I was in bed. “Later than intended” I hear you say, but with a lie-in until 08:00, it can only be good news.

Mind you, what happened next does not need any explanation. It’s a Sunday after a Saturday afternoon dialysis session, isn’t it? And so by the time that the alarm went off, I’d been up and about for an hour and a half and was sitting at my desk working.

There had been the bathroom, of course, and there had been the medication. And next was the dictaphone. We were having a huge chat about adoption etc during the night. This conversation rolled on and on, and went on to the question of mutations and mutations of voice. There were other things taking place too. I know that on one occasion someone asked me a question and I answered “well, I’m not the busiest” or “it’s not the busiest, and it’s keeping me out of mischief”. However, I can’t remember what the question was now and that was disappointing.

Everything seemed to be in quite a turmoil during the evening. I have no idea what was going on there but it was certainly quite a mess.

And then I was in Wales somewhere. I had a lift with someone and they were driving me towards my destination. We went round a bend and there was this train, a tiny little narrow-gauge steam locomotive with a big parcels train behind it. It was just like that person had been talking about in a photograph. I said “you can drop me off here” because this was my destination. It was a narrow-gauge railway line and this was its terminus. They dropped me off and I wandered around the yard. I saw a locomotive with two carriages behind it. I thought “that must be my train to go”. I had to climb up onto the bank to climb into it. I became all dirty when I rubbed my shoulder against the boiler of the train. Then I had to find some treacle. In the end I found two tins of treacle but I was on the wrong side of the train. I had to throw these tins of treacle underneath the train and then walk round the front, hanging on to the front of the locomotive to make sure that I didn’t fall down the embankment. When I reached the other side, I heard a whistle, a steam whistle. I looked up and there was another train that I hadn’t seen, and a locomotive that was attached to three carriages. A double-decker bus just pulled up with a whole crowd of people on board. They were all heading towards that other train. I thought “maybe that’s my train” so I set out to try to run to catch it. Of course, I couldn’t run. I realised that I had no treacle, my backpack was open and everything was on the verge of falling out. I thought “I’m going to miss this train now and the next one is not for another several hours”. I was running and running and running towards this train. I couldn’t run and I was on my bad legs with no crutches. This was becoming a disaster

We’ve been here before, haven’t we? Yesterday in fact when we were trying to run in vain to catch a bus. Today, I’m trying to run to catch a train. I wonder what I’ll be trying to run to catch tomorrow? But the idea of it being a narrow-gauge steam locomotive is quite interesting. I’ve not had a run out on a narrow-gauge train for years, and certainly not with any tins of treacle. What did treacle have to do with it anyway?

While I was waiting for Isabelle I had a surf through the internet for the highlights of yesterday’s games in Wales. Colwyn Bay will be joining Llanelli in the Premier League next season after their win at Penrhyncoch. I also found the highlights of the game we watched yesterday BETWEEN Y DRENEWYDD AND ABERYSTWITH and Niall Flint in full flight down the centre.

Isabelle the Nurse had a lot to say for herself, mainly about dialysis and compression socks, as she dealt with my legs and then she wandered off, leaving me to deal with breakfast and to read MY BOOK.

A few days ago, I wrote about our author, Geo T Clark, not being able to make up his mind about the system of dating that he uses. Here’s a delightful paragraph on page 87 where he discusses the history of the castle at Hastings "Henry, the fifth earl, who died in the reign of Richard I., left an only daughter, Alice, who married Ralph de Essoudun, who in her right became Earl of Eu, and so died in 1211. Their son, William, elected to become a subject of France, and,29 Henry III., his possessions in England escheated to the Crown, and were granted to Prince Edward. As early as 1227 King Henry allowed to Robert de Aubeville 10 marcs, half his salary, as keeper of the castle. The college was retained by Henry in his own hands. In 5 Edward III., the dean and canons petitioned to have the castle wall restored, it having been injured by the sea. In 1372, the castle was granted to John of Gaunt,"

If he wants to continue to use both forms of date, then that’s fine. But how many times does he change from one format to the other in that one paragraph? He needs at least to stick to the same style in each paragraph.

He is also following the trend of many of our previous authors in contradicting himself, and this time, within the space of just a handful of paragraphs. At the bottom of page 89, when talking about Hawarden Castle (which, in a book entitled “Medieval Military Architecture in England”, is actually in Wales), he tells us that "At Hawarden, the course of action seems to have been different. Here are no traces of Norman work or of the Norman style, and though the keep is unusually substantial".

However, over the page, not even half-way down, he tells us that "The entrance is at the ground level on the north-east side, from the main ward. It is marked by a broad, flat buttress, rather Norman in character,"

And to show you just how times and appreciation have changed since he published his book in 1884, also on page 90 he tells us that "the modern brick and stone wall replacing the battlement is rugged and broken, but in parts about 12 feet high, and intended to give elevation to the keep. The building thus made extensively visible has become a sort of parish cynosure, and, however irregular its appearance, it would scarcely be in good taste to remove the addition."

Can you imagine that? Early medieval stonework disfigured by modern brickwork and it would “scarcely be in good taste” to remove it?

Back in here, we had Stranraer away at Stirling Albion, and I totally despair. Stranraer were miles on top of this game and at 1-0 up at half-time and well in control at the hour mark looking as if they could score another goal or two at any moment, they then go and hand the Binos not one, not two, but three of the easiest goals that they will ever score in their whole lives with a series of schoolboy errors that defy any kind of description from me. If you really want to see how bad it was, THEN IT’S ALL YOURS

My bread roll for lunch was absolutely wonderful, made with just the right amount of water. It could not have been better and the new cheese that my cleaner brought finished it off a treat.

Back in here after lunch I attacked the radio programmes for which I dictated the notes last night. And by the time that I was ready for tea I’d completed the final track for programme 260206 and assembled it all so that it’s one hour long. I just had to remove eight seconds of text.

And then I finished programme 260220 as much as I could – edited the notes for the ten tracks, assembled the two halves of the programme, chose the final track and wrote the notes ready for dictation next Saturday night.

If you are wondering where programme 260213 is, that’s a concert that I dealt with years and years ago.

Despite all of that, there was baking. A sunflower-seed loaf and a chocolate oil-cake. The loaf, like the bread roll, is also wonderful and the cake is excellent too. The oil in there is half neutral vegetable oil, half coconut oil, and there’s orange essence and desiccated coconut in there too. All of the baking is cooling off ready for cutting and storing tomorrow morning.

Tonight’s pizza was another one of the best that I have ever made, cooked just right. If I could make the pizza every week just as I did tonight, I would be really happy

But that’s not for now. I’m off to bed. I have dialysis tomorrow, worse luck, and I’ll probably be there for four hours.

But seeing as we have been talking about adoption … "well, one of us has" – ed … I remember a friend of mine being called for a discussion with his parents.
"Son we have to tell you?" said his father "did you know that you are adopted"
"Really?" said the boy. " Could I ever meet my birth parents?"
"We are your birth parents" replied his father. "Now go upstairs and pack. Your new family will be here to pick you up in ten minutes"