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Thursday 24th November 2022 – YOU’VE NO IDEA …

… how much I enjoyed the shower that I had this morning.

It’s the first shower that I’ve had in the four weeks that I’ve been here and it was wonderful to be underneath the hot water instead of rubbing myself with a flannel.

The only issue was that had the cute little student nurse who came to check on me come 5 minutes earlier, she could have scrubbed my back.

Last night I was asleep in bed by 21:00 and I slept all the way right through until .. errr … 00:45 when I had to leave my bed for reasons that any man of my age will tell you.

And then we had a disaster. It’s Wednesday evening and I’ve just had a nightmare. I fell asleep and dreamed that I was at some kind of party where one of the nurses was feeding me with pills etc, force-feeding me. I rang the emergency bell and it was the nurse whom I thought was trying to poison me who came along to see what was happening. I told her that I must have had a nightmare and there was no real cause for alarm etc. I was sorry that I’d called her.

It took ages to go back to sleep again but when I did I was off on my travels. I was on a coach trip. I had a Leyland Duple Laser. I’d taken these people from Stoke on Trent down to a cricket match. They’d stayed there the day, watched the match and then I’d brought them home. They had a whip-round on the coach for me that brought in about £2:20. It wasn’t all that much but surprisingly one of the girls I actually worked with but she didn’t recognise me or let on that she knew me and neither did I. After I’d parked up the coach on the way back I had to come back on Nerina’s bicycle but a tyre on it was flat so I had to ride around until I found a street light with a kerb edge where I could prop up the bike to pump it up. There was a big grid just there. I thought that if I dropped my keys or something they’d be gone completely down the hole but I had to find a place in the light to pump up the tyre so I could cycle all the way home from this Motorway service area where I’d left the coach.

And later I’d been for a walk across a park or golf course etc. There was an area where people could walk their dogs but they couldn’t walk them everywhere. When I reached the end a car came. It was driven by someone whom I knew. There were quite a few of us there, Jean-Marc and some others. Eventually we all crammed into this car, 6 of us. We thought that the car was overcrowded. We made jokes about sardines etc. We set off, and I had a map so I could see roughly where we were going. Another guy in the car, an old guy, made some kind of remark like “are we going anywhere near (such-and-such) street?”. As far as I could tell we were going down a street with a similar name but not that exact street. he said “it’s near a park” which this street certainly was. He needed to stop at a “Super L” supermarket in the street to pick up something. I couldn’t find a “Super L” supermarket. I didn’t even think that it existed. There was a “Super U” somewhere in this street on the corner. I wondered if he was confusing himself about where he wanted to go and what he wanted to do and the name of the supermarket, which was easily done.

The alarm went off at 06:30 as usual to awaken me but I do have vague memories of all kinds of nurses and the like coming to do something or other to me.

During the early part of the morning I was poked and prodded about by various nurses but eventually a doctor appeared.

She told me that there is an infection in my bloodstream that looks as if it’s come from my catheter port in my chest. Consequently it can no longer be used.

M response was to wish good luck to whoever gets the job of finding a vein in which to insert a catheter.

After she went I saw the physiotherapist who gave me a few exercises and I actually lost my balance at one point although the physiotherapist caught me before I hit the ground. He told me as he was leaving that I ought to walk more.

And so when the nurse offered me a shower I declined the wheelchair that she had brought and said that I’d walk there holding onto my portable patient thing. I had to stop for breath several times but I made it in the end. The nurse showed me the controls and left me to my own devices.

And it was wonderful.

The cute little student nurse who came to check on me found me trying to tidy everything up so she took my stuff back to my room and then came back to accompany me there.

As on the outward trip I had to stop a few times to catch my breath but it was successful in that I didn’t fall over and I was quite pleased. It was a long way.

A little later the nurse said that she had to fix a catheter in my arm, which was why I suspect that they wanted to me to take a shower first.

The little student was there so I asked her how many catheters she had fitted. “Not many’ was the response so I gave her my arm and told her to get on with it.

The nurse gave her a little talk first and then she went and did it – found a vein and fitted the catheter with her first go. She was ever so impressed and I was ever so relieved. It could have been much worse. I don’t mind the students practising on my but I do have my limits.

Anyway they have now been able to give me antibiotics throughout the day

A doctor came to see me too. She didn’t have much to say so I asked her why they had cancelled the raft of appointments that were booked for yesterday and today. She replied that they were all breathing-test exercises and according to her I was in no fit state to take them.

Once again I expressed my dismay at what was happening. Here was an ideal opportunity for everyone to work together to find out what’s going on with my breathing but they are just delaying and delaying the issue.

And I don’t have the time for delays, as regular readers of this rubbish will recall.

So having had a really busy morning, the afternoon was a disappointment. Apart from the nurses coming to give me these antibiotics, nothing happened at all. No-one else came by and I was left to my own devices yet again. I listened to all of a 3.5 hours of a Paul Temple radio programme.

But right now I’ve had enough and I’m going to bed. I expect that I’ll be awoken at some point during the night with a nurse trying to take my blood pressure or something. I may as well sleep while I can.

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Wednesday 23rd November 2022 – FREE AT LAST!

This evening while I was trying to eat my evening meal someone from the cardiac unit turned up and said that she could take out the drain in my heart.

Not exactly the easiest thing to do while I has trying to eat my hummus rolls but nevertheless she did her best.

You’ve no idea how much it hurt but as they said in Macbeth, “If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well it were done quickly” and sure enough even with it done quickly, it hurt like hell.

So right now I’m free. There are some antibiotic perfusions too but they are on a portable patient stand, not tied to the foot of the bed like the sac of the drain in my heart.

Anyway, I’m sure that you are wondering how I celebrated my new-found freedom. The answer is that I went for a good ride on the porcelain horse.

You’ve no idea how much of a relief it was to go as well. This chair thing that I managed to negotiate has a considerable amount of drawbacks that only become apparent when you are half asleep and in some other parallel universe at 05:00.

That kind of thing is a recipe for disaster, as events were to prove. For the rest of the day I quietly abstained. I didn’t want another repeat.

It’s quite true to say that i was deep in the arms of Morpheus last night. I was tucked up in bed early, round about 21:00 and went straight off to sleep. When I awoke at 03:00 I still had on the headphones and was listening to the radio. I just about managed to summon up the energy to take off the headphones.

And then there was the 05:00 disaster but we won’t talk about that.

All of my meals were absolute disasters today. Breakfast was interrupted by the Professor in charge of the Training School telling me that the students would be on the ward this morning.

Regular readers of this rubbish will recall that I’m one of the first to offer myself to a bunch of students in order to be poked and prodded about. Consequently I agreed to be examined and at 10:05 a pair of students appeared at the door.

Third-year students they were, and for the next hour or so they poked me and prodded me, sometimes with the Professor looking in, and eventually the went away quite satisfied with their morning’s examination.

We had quite a laugh though at one point.
Student A “I need to look for your spleen”
Our Hero “I hope that you have good eyes. Last time I saw it, it was in a jar in a hospital in Central France”

While lunch was being served, the assistant dietician appeared. She’d seen my recent blood test results and made the point that there’s still far too much potassium in my blood. She wants me to give up all fruit and salad.

That’s only a temporary measure, she told me. The chief dietician will come to see me at some other point in the near future. Presumably with some even more draconian measures.

This afternoon the physiotherapist stuck his head into the room with an assistant. They ended up by giving me some exercises to do but it’s not easy when I can only move half a dozen paces from the bed if that.

There was the person from Cardiology to disrupt my evening meal at teatime but apart from that there’s not been a whiff of a doctor coming to see me. It seems that since my somewhat … errr … frank discussion with the Priest yesterday (which he has doubtless reported back to the authorities and which was part of my plan) the senior medical staff has gone to ground and are in shelter waiting for the whirlwind to pass by overhead.

Consequently I reckon that I need to be a bit more frank with the Priest next time I see him.

All through the day I’ve been having some lovely chats with Liz, Rachel and Rosemary. It’s nice to know that I have such wonderful family and friends.

As I have said before … “and on many occasions too” – ed … I don’t have many friends but those I do have are the best in the world.

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Tuesday 22nd November 2022 – I WAS WRONG …

… about having a good night last night. All kinds of things were going off.

But never mind that – something much more important and unusual happened this morning.

In fact, a priest came to see me.

The timing makes me think that it’s to do with my request for euthanasia but he never mentioned the subject. He listed to all of my complaint. He even made me ages late for my Welsh class but I wasn’t all that bothered because I enjoyed his visit, strange as it it to day it.

However the antics of last night were hilarious.

Having an urgent need to visit the bathroom and tied to the bed by the sac of fluid from my pericardium, I asked for a bottle.

Sitting in bed trying to use a bottle was psychologically impossible so after a while I changed position and sat on the edge of the bed to try again

Just then a nurse came in and asked how I was doing My reply of “nothing yet” brought forth a lecture about the dangers of a full bladder

She measured it and found that it was indeed full so she went to find another nurse who subjected me to yet another lecture on the subject of full bladders and insisted on fitting a catheter. Naturally we had quite a stand-off on this point and the argument raged for quite a while.

At some point a third nurse joined in the fun. and with three nurses now watching me, however was I supposed to use the bottle under these circumstances?

In the end I chased them and their catheters away and once they had gone it took about 10 minutes to make use of the bottle.

The upshot of all of this is that they brought me a “toilet chair” that I can use in comfort and taunt whoever it is who is interested in my “output”.

Eventually I finally managed to drop off to sleep. There was something about being in a cricket pavilion last night. I was there with Nerina. There was something about people had to register and register the clubs from which they had come and where they were signing for. After 3 or 4 entries it all became very confused. There was some kind of issue about Derbyshire but nevertheless I wrote “Derbyshire” on the form and thought that I’d deal later with any flak about it. It was raining outside. I thought “how are they going to start this cricket match?” but anyway they did, as far as I knew. Later on I was standing on a bank at the side of the road when a large lorry pulled up, a farm cattle truck-type of thing. It was Sherman Downey with a couple of rubber edgings for doors or windscreens. I was surprised and said that I hadn’t actually ordered anything at the moment. That took him by surprise too. he was there with these 2 rubber edges that I didn’t want.

So with the priest making me late for my Welsh lesson I joined in the class somewhat later. And I wasn’t there for long before an endless stream of nurses kept on interrupting me. In the end I logged out.

This afternoon I went for a couple of tests and examinations. The last one of this bunch was an echograph performed by a doctor with an assistant who looked as if she was about 12.

After he finished with his examination with the echograph I asked the little girl if she’d like a go and so with a big smile and with help from me and from the echpographist she used the echograph to examine my heart

The net result is that here is no more water around the heart for now – just a bit of sediment that causes no problem

After the echographist went to make his report, I had a chat with his little assistant. I asked her how long she’d been a student and she replied “2 days!”.

She’s actually a schoolgirl on a work placement and she was ever so pleased because I was the first patient she’s ever examined. But as regular readers of this rubbish will recall, I’m all in favour of letting the students practise on me.

They have to learn somehow.

So right now I’m off to bed. I’ve finished my notes, had a good chat with Alison and Rosemary and have everything prepared just where I need it.

And I’ve had a fever too – a temperature of 38.7°C. They’ve packed me in bed with a few ice-packs and it’s down now to 37.9°C

After falling asleep yesterday evening and having all kinds of issues during the night, I want a peaceful evening and a good sleep. I wonder how someone might come along and disrupt me again.

It goes without saying that they won’t let me have any peace and quiet. This crew in the ward this week are nothing like the kind souls of last week.

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Monday 21st November 2022 – I’VE JUST HAD …

… surgical intervention on my heart this afternoon

That’s not all either. As I suggested on Sunday, Monday was a busy day as far as examinations go. I can’t remember how many I went on. I know that for one of my visits I was waiting 45 minutes to be seen.

One examination stood out more than the others. The doctor on duty this week, another over-eager and dynamic young student, told me that I have fluid in the pericardium and it needed to drained off.

That was something that filled me full of trepidation. I’ve no intention of having pipes and tubes put into me, as regular readers of this rubbish will recall, and I made sure that the doctor was aware. Nevertheless at some point later on they came to collect me.

When I arrived I told them about how the talk of operations and how the idea of tubes and pipes made me have the shakes. so what we did was a compromise. They gave me a pill to relax me, and I kept my eyes closed

They were wrong about the relaxation. I felt every prick with the hypodermic needle.

All in all they took out 0.46 litres – almost a pint – from the pericardium around the heart.

It’s not clear yet whether this water is part of the pneumonia or whether it’s part of the preceding problem which has occupied my thoughts for the last 18 months or so but it looks as if things might be moving.

They have however left a catheter in my stomach connected to a small drainage bag to continue the drainage

Anyway, that’s for tomorrow. But before I go I’ll just mention my voyage last night. We were all in a Paul Temple adventure last night which is no surprise. This concerned the fastening up of something, doing up nuts and bolts etc. There was a group of 7 or 8 of us who were all suspects but we all ended up proving quite happily to our peers that we couldn’t possibly have done the crime that was alleged. When we discussed our movements there were all kinds of strange things that were happening that went to show that we can’t have imagined it because someone else experienced it at distance too. This went on for quite some time until they eventually found out who it was who had switched off this machine in this hospital but t was all determined to be an accident in the end.

And now I’m off to bed looking forward to a good night’s sleep. I deserve it after everything I’ve gone through today.

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Sunday 20th November 2022 – I’VE HAD ANOTHER …

… relapse today.

This morning I awoke with a pain in my chest and it’s gradually gone from bad to worse during the course of the day.

When I explained the problem to the nurses when they were doing their rounds, my little student nurse came back with an ECG machine and took a scan of my chest.

However as the day wore on the pain became worse and worse the doctor who came to see me in the evening gave me a good going-over and sent me for an x-ray. As yet I don’t have the results.

Another thing is that I’m also off my food. I ate my soya dessert and drank my coffee this evening but that was that.

Despite going to bed early last night I was wide-awake at 03:06 and even thought I went for the usual stroll down the corridor, I couldn’t go back to sleep again and I lay awake tossing and turning for quite a while.

Eventually I must have gone back to sleep because the alarm awoke me and there was also something on the dictaphone. There I was wide awake at 03:08 this morning and had a meal to cook. I went through a recipe book and found 6 courses of something that would make a really nice Indian meal and began to collect all the ingredients together. There were things like white fish cooked in rice etc. As I looked I thought that some of these things were at first way beyond my capabilities. I needed a large amount of courage in order to start them. It took me ages to try my best to summon up the willpower and I still hadn’t. In the meantime it was back in the 1930s and they were talking outside my door about the rise of Germany, talking about Fascism etc. I hated the idea that they would come in and ask what my political leanings were because if I said that I were left of centre I’d be accused of being a Communist etc which was totally and utterly untrue. Meanwhile, how was I going to start this meal? I wanted a big pyrex dish that I knew existed in this kitchen, where I could put the rice and fish but I couldn’t find it or anything that resembled that dish. I thought “here’s another load of chaos I seem to have descended into”.

The nurses came round on a few occasions to bring me my medication and take my blood pressure etc. At one point my little student nurse took my blood pressure and found that it was 98 over 67.

“That’s really low” she said. “Normally when I take your blood pressure it’s much higher than this.”

“Not ‘arf” I thought to myself. I might be old and bits of me might not be working but none of that affects my blood pressure, especially when a pretty young girl leans all over me to wire me up to all kinds of machines. It’s usually like the “blood pressure” scene from CARRY ON DOCTOR.

For most of the rest of the day I’ve been curled up under the bedclothes. With no-one coming by, no tests or examinations, there hasn’t been anything else going on so I may as well take it extremely easy.

There’s a lot going on tomorrow and I need to be ready for it. That is, if my chest doesn’t get any worse.

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Saturday 19th November 2022 – I WAS RIGHT …

… about it being a quiet day today because almost nothing has happened today.

It was quiet through the night as well. I hardly remember anything at all. There was a moment when I went for a walk down the corridor for the usual reasons that any man of my age will know, and that’s about that.

I awoke at about 02:30 and had the impression that I’d been somewhere or doing something in a dream but unfortunately there was no recollection of where or what it was at all. There was nothing in my mind about what I was doing.

And later I can’t remember too much about this but there were 3 of us in a car. We’d been talking to someone and when we were about to set off the girl who was driving dropped her gloves. She leaned out of the car to try to pick them but she couldn’t manage it. She went back and forward in the car trying very hard to rescue them without leaving the car. In the end we set off and found ourselves in a part of Glasgow that was in very poor condition. Several houses had their slates ripped off and you could see daylight through the windows. The pub was the same. Roaming around the streets were tatty kids. We drove somewhere and someone pointed out a chapel that someone had visited. It was famous for some reason in the 18th century for Methodist missionaries etc. There was a garage that was also famous for a similar kind of reason presumably in the days before it became a garage

Another thing of note was that it was a very slow morning. I didn’t stir at all after that until the alarm went off. And even so, it still didn’t galvanise me into action.

What did get me going was the arrival of all of the nurses with the medication and all of the measuring devices:

The doctor put in an appearance too before breakfast and asked me how I was. I told her that it was too early to say and I haven’t even had a coffee. Strangely though, she didn’t sit on the edge of the bed next to me like she normally does That’s rather sad.

There were three meals today and I had to be shaken awake to eat them; The soya yoghurt for breakfast was there as was the soya dessert for the evening meal. There was a kiwi as well with my evening meal but in accordance with our agreement I eschewed it

The nurses had to awaken me for a few other tasks I’m definitely having my money’s worth of sleep right now.

There was football on the internet this evening too Penybont v TNS.

There’s no doubt that TNS are a mile better than anyone else in this league and play the ball around amongst themselves far better than the rest of the league and that was evident today.

However the team from Bridgend defended resolutely and while they never ever looked like scoring they kept TNS away from the goal and it ended 0-0.

In the middle of the second half the student nurse came to give me my medication so I let her listen to the language of my grandmother.

So that’s it really. A peaceful day and I’m likely to have the same tomorrow. So that calls for an early night. I have to build up my strength.

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Friday 18th November 2022 – SCHRODINGER’S PATIENT …

… is still in his hospital bed and is likely to be here for the weekend as well. It seems that wiser counsels have prevailed at last.

And Schrödinger’s patient? That’s a patient who is simultaneously too ill to go for a 2-minute bicycle ride and a 6-minute walk but at the same time is well enough to be signed out of the hospital, travel 700 kms and then come back 700 kms 2 weeks later.

Last night I was in bed quite early and slept right the way through until all of 02:45. After a trip down the corridor I went back to bed and it took an age for me to go off to sleep. And once I fell asleep that was that until the alarm went off at 06:30. I must have slept right the way through the early morning racket.

We had some stuff on the dictaphone. I was with Rosemary at some point last night. We were somewhere on some big industrial estate somewhere. There was a dispute between a lorry driver and another tenant of a property. The tenant accused the lorry driver of driving over his land when he had to make a tight left turn. This led to a great deal of acrimony and fighting. There was a situation there were video films being recorded etc. The lorry was attacked etc. In the meantime our boss died. I caught up with Rosemary who was cleaning a teapot in the garden. I was on my way to fetch a cup of tea so she asked about the significance of the boss dying. I said “in that case there will be thousands of cases just automatically cleared rather than worked”. She asked why. I replied that no-one would go out to make an enormous pile of work for themselves at a moment like this. We had quite a lengthy talk and eventually I went to make my tea. She passed me the rag that she’d been using to clean her teapot and asked if I could take it in. I replied “no – not while I’m going to make my tea. The rag is disgusting”. And it was, because her teapot had been totally filthy before she’d cleaned it.

Later on I was with someone else. I was ill and being weighed in some kind of centrifuge. I was told beforehand that this was where we sort out the intelligent people. They were puzzled about my weight when it was read out. There was something to do with wars and battles. I’d actually won an important battle with my miniature soldiers and troops. They went to put me in this centrifuge to weigh me again. I realised that all along I’d been wearing my wellingtons. That was something that would be bound to distort the proceedings and give the incorrect weight

After breakfast they came to collect me with a wheelchair. They took me down into the basement of the hospital where eventually a young girl came to see me. She had on a beautiful dress under her housecoat and I told her how much I liked it.

She had my scan from yesterday and talked to me about it. There’s a trapped nerve that seems to be causing a lot of problems and she seems to think that physiotherapy might solve the problem.

Having had a year’s worth of ineffective physiotherapy I expressed my doubts but she did her best to reassure me that there are some special exercises that she can prescribe that a skilled physiotherapist could follow, and that I need to go to a specialist, not one of these mainstream boutiques of the kind that I’ve been visiting.

Back here the physiotherapist came to see me. We did a few of the exercises that we have done before but we didn’t do some others. Instead he had me doing one or two others so maybe word has already filtered down.

However on leaving, he said “see you Monday” and that at least is optimistic.

After lunch the dietician came to see me. She asked “why are you ordering bananas and kiwis? You have a very high potassium content and these aren’t doing you any good.”
“Well” I replied, “as long as these are the only options for a vegan dessert on some days, I don’t have a lot of options”.

We discussed my diet at great length. I told her that the food was boring and monotonous but being on a vegan diet I can’t expect too much. At least it’s nutritious and filling. And I made sure to tell her of the two slices of courgette that I had for a main meal in hospital in Riom.

In the end we agreed that if she put soya desserts and soya yoghurts on the menu, I’d refrain from ordering kiwis and bananas. That sounded like a good deal to me.

While we were chatting, the doctor poked her head in and when she saw what was happening she withdrew. I expected to see her shortly afterwards but she didn’t appear and I dozed for most of the afternoon, being shaken awake by a variety of nurses.

The doctor came back later in the evening. And I was right in that wiser counsels have prevailed and I can stay here until at least Monday. They are trying to find a room for me in a half-way house but that’s unlikely. If they fail, a social worker will come to see me on Monday.

Another visitor that I’ll have on Monday is an euthanasist. It seems that at least ONE of my complaints is being taken seriously. Maybe this will be the catalyst that will start things moving, although I have said this before in other circumstances

The bad news is that this doctor is moving on to a new ward next week. That’s a shame because I happen to quite like her as a person. It’s just a shame that she’s had to be the one who has borne the brunt of my moaning.

It’s just a shame that no-one of the hierarchy of the hospital has been to see me while I’ve been here. I bet that, having been made aware of my discontent they are keeping well away.

However she did say that she would look in on me at some point over the weekend as she’s the on-call doctor. That will be nice.

So now I’m off to bed. I’ve had a chat with Liz and Alison on-line, and one of the trainee nurses said that she would look in on me later. I seem to be “flavour of the month” right now.

So if I’m having a nurse come to see me later, I’ll have to try hard not to fall asleep. I’ll have to be careful if I curl up under the bedclothes with my headphones.

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Thursday 17th November 2022 – IT LOOKS AS IF …

… this idea of kicking me out of the hospital on Friday is gathering momentum. And so we’ve had a day of arguments and disputes today.

Anyway, all of that is for the future. Last night I was curled up in bed at 21:00 fast asleep, and wide-awake again at about 00:00.

And I DO mean “wide-awake” because it took me hours and hours to go back to sleep. I was in such a state that I could easily have done a pile of work during the period that I was awake, so it was last night..

As usual the rattling of all of the stuff that they push around on trolleys early in the morning awoke me before the alarm went off. And then we had the endless procession of nurses coming in here doing their stuff.

One of the things that needed doing was changing my catheter in my chest. As well as the trained nurse, there are two young student nurses here and they are really cute. I asked them if they had changed a catheter before and thy replied “no” – so I told them to do mine. It will be good practice for them.

And so the more senior one changed the catheter while the junior one watched closely and the trained nurse supervised. It all passed off very well and these nurses can change my catheter again whenever they like – not that they’ll have much chance with me being kicked out tomorrow.

That was the nurses. The issues with the doctor didn’t go quite so comfortably.

At some point in the morning a professor from one of the departments concerned in my health came by. She told me that because of the way things are, they are going to cancel my appointment for a lung examination this afternoon. It’ll take place in two weeks time instead.

As you might expect, I went totally berserk. I made this person read my letter to the hospital from last August and made sure that she understood it. And I expressed all of my concerns, as I have done ad nauseam.

The net result was that it didn’t sway her one little bit. And so I played my trump card. I told her that if I had to come back in two weeks time (and I explained all of my difficulties of travelling) I wanted to see an euthanasist because I’m totally fed up and can’t go on any more like this.

That was met with a stony silence.

Later on, at lunchtime, the physiotherapist came to see me. He gave me a few exercises to perform and then tried to make me walk. We managed 30 steps before I had to stop for breath.

At that point I asked him if he was happy that they were throwing me out tomorrow and he looked appalled

Despite having said that my appointment this afternoon they came to fetch me and took me downstairs.

Having waited for a while a doctor came out and repeated what the doctor had said to me this morning. And so I repeated what I’d told the doctor this morning, including the bit about euthanasia. He tried to discuss and debate the position but I wasn’t having any of it.

Back in my room the regular doctor came to see me. She told me that the scan yesterday revealed a trapped nerve in my back, one that corresponds with my right leg. There was then a pregnant pause while I waited for her to tell me what their plan was to deal with it.

However there was no response and I’m still none-the-wiser. I’m not even better-informed.

We discussed the situation in general and once again I expressed my dismay at the way things have unfolded. I told her that the physiotherapist was concerned about my mobility and she looked surprised. She told me that she would check with the physiotherapist but I doubt whether it will change her opinion any.

While I was at it, I gave her my little speech about if I’m having to come back in 2 weeks I want to see an euthanasist etc etc. That shook her a little but she didn’t seem all that bothered in the end.

It looks to me as if I’m leaving here regardless tomorrow.

Something strange happened later on. Alison came to see me and while we were chatting the doctor saw us. She came in and interrogated Alison about who she was and why she was here. That was what I call extremely bizarre.

As regular readers of this rubbish will recall, Alison and I used to work together at that extremely bizarre American company, but that’s by the way.

One thing at least that might help a little is that I seem to have shamed them into giving me a blood transfusion. Being let loose to go into the great wide world with a blood count of only 7.8 when the critical level is 8.0 is not a good idea at all and this will explain why I’ve been feeling so bad just recently.

it’s a very far cry from when they let me go for 6 months or so with a blood count approaching 10.0. Whatever the situation is, this Iqymune or whatever they call it isn’t the answer to my problems.

Sure enough, they turned up with some blood later in the evening, and this is the first transfusion that I’ve had for several years..

So now it’s all gone, I’m going to finish listening to this Paul Temple episode that’s currently being broadcast and then I’m going to bed. I need to gather up all of my strength if they really are going to expel me tomorrow.

0

Wednesday 16th November 2022 – THE DOCTOR CAME …

… to see me this morning.

She brought with her the news that they are throwing me out on Friday; as I suspected.

Consequently I showed her the letter that I’d written to the hospital back in early August, which I’d already prepared on my laptop in anticipation.

She read it with a considerable air of consternation.

Naturally, I reminded her that she had seen a few days ago the four-line message that passed for an answer. I asked her if she was satisfied that the answer that she had read was a full and complete reply to the points that I’d made. And she admitted that it wasn’t.

And so I went on the offensive. And believe me, it it’s “offensive” you want, then in the words of the late, great Bob Doney, “I’m your man!”.

What I wanted to know was whether she would have been satisfied about being passed from pillar to post and sent round in ever-decreasing circles over the last 18 months. She replied that of course she wouldn’t.

And then I reminded her that I’ve been in hospital for almost 3 weeks. Does she not think that this would have been a golden opportunity for the four services interested in my case, the urology, haematology, pneumonology and cardiology, to co-ordinate their efforts and examine me together to find out where the problem with my breathing lies? She agreed that it would.

So ultimately I asked her how she would feel if she had been pushed around like I had been and asked to carry out all of these tests time after time wit, predictably, the same results.

She replied that maybe they had reached the limit of what they were capable of doing. I asked her that if she had taken her car into a garage to repair a fault and the mechanic had said that he had reached the limit of what he was capable of doing, would she not take her vehicle to another garage to see if another mechanic could find the fault?

She agreed that she would so I reminded her of the chaos that had led to my coming here to Leuven. And that was just four months. The current chaos has lasted for 18 months and so I reminded her of the part of my letter than had said that if “I am ill and your medical staff does not have the ability to treat me” then I need to be told so that “I can find another hospital where the staff is capable of dealing with the issue and I don’t care if that hospital is in Valparaiso or Vladivostok”

Of course, there was absolutely no answer to that.

The discussion went on for much longer than that and I do have to say that I was probably on my best form for many, many years. And I felt sorry for her having to listen to my well-co-ordinated and well-thought-out rant because none of this is any to do with her really.

But I bet that my rant will be all in vain regardless and I’ll still find myself out on my ear on Friday.

That’s a shame because I’m just about becoming accustomed to life here. I actually managed to sleep right the way through to the alarm without any difficulty whatsoever with just the odd stroll down the corridor here and there during the night.

And I’d been on my travels too. Last night I was in some kind of village similar to Portmeirion. They’d found me some accommodation in a little cottage somewhere. I decided that it was so nice that I wanted to stay there for a couple of nights. I was up early and playing badminton with myself and a couple of people from a nearby cottage went past. One of them was a girl whom I knew from school. eventually I became fed up of playing badminton. I was somewhere climbing up some rocks that led to another cottage at one point. I could see two people, Sheila and someone else, walking past down below and talking.

There was also something about Nerina as well, like a staff magazine type of thing and she was featured in it dressed all in white on the top of a mountain like something out of the Sound Of Music. That’s really all that I remember except that while I was climbing up over the rocks they announced the time – it was something like 09:45 and I thought “God! That’s really early! I must have been up quite early this morning making the most of my stay here. But I hadn’t realised just how early it had been.

Once I was awake and I’d been organised by all of the nurses the morning was quite quiet as I expected. Just the doctor coming to see me and all of the nurses bringing me my medication. And occasionally being awoken by nurses here and there after I’d fallen asleep.

The afternoon should have been quite quiet and that’s how it started. But it all changed when the physiotherapist came to help me walk.

“We need to work on your walking so that you can move about more easily” he said

“You’ll have to get a move on” I replied. “They are throwing me out on Friday”. And that bought a gasp of astonishment from him as well.

They also told me that I had to go for a MRI scan of my back.

It should have been at 17:45 but they came for me at 17:15 right in the middle of my evening meal and I was dragged away on a wheelchair.

They were quite quick enough with the scan although I was 15 minutes under the machine. And when I returned to my room they had swept away my meal tray.

The missing food didn’t bother me all that much but the missing coffee certainly did. However the porter who brought me back went off to negotiate with the nursing staff and a pot of coffee miraculously appeared.

So now I’ve finished what I need to do and I’m going to sleep. This news about me being turfed out on Friday is depressing. It’s a lost opportunity to see what’s wrong with my breathing or to try to improve my general health and I have a feeling that there will never be another opportunity quite like this.

It’s probably the first step on the road towards the inevitable end but I’m going to go out with a bang. As Neil Young once said, “it’s better to burn out than to fade away”.

But how do I get to be able to walk if no-one is able to help me?

0

Tuesday 15th November 2022 – I WAS RIGHT …

… about them planning to heave me out in the near future.

The doctor came to see me this morning and gave me an examination and I went through my usual spiel about the hospital going round and round in circles and I was pretty sure that she understood.

However she came back a short while later with her professor who had a chat with me. She explained that there were at least two viruses in my body and there are still traces of pneumonia in my body.

However she did yell me that despite everything, they were still planning on letting me go. Apparently they were worried that I’d catch Covid if I remained in the hospital;

And so I asked whether she was worried about me catching Covid during the 1400km round trip to the hospital and back to the various appointments that (I hoped) was sure to follow.

Now that took her completely by surprise and totally deflated her. Apparently she was totally unaware that I lived in France. Making the most of her bewilderment I mentioned that when patients were temporarily discharged from the hospital a room was made available at St Pieter’s Hospital. However they have demolished that, as regular readers of this rubbish will recall.

There’s always Pellemberg, where I’ve stayed before, out in the wilds of the back of beyond, so I made sure that she was aware that I knew all about it.

However I have a feeling that I’m going to be out on my ear in a few days time regardless of anything else, a golden opportunity will be missed, and I’ll spend the rest of what’s left of my life travelling to and from Granville to Leuven and going round and round in circles when I get here

And isn’t that a depressing thought?

There was something quite important that happened on Monday that I forgot to mention last night

During the night of Sunday and Monday I must have had a dream at some point early on about a doctor wanting a urine sample for me the next time that I went from the bathroom. Consequently when I awoke at some point to go to the bathroom I rang for help

When the nurse came I babbled something incoherently about giving a sample, even though my body was desperately trying to process when it might have been that the doctor had come to see me.

Anyway, the story ended with the nurse helping me totally unnecessarily to the bathroom and no sample being taken.

It was really, really confusing.

Last night was much more quiet. No-one came to see me and apart from the odd trip or two to the bathroom nothing happened at all. Mind you there was some stuff on the dictaphone.

I was travelling on a train and it had an accident. I ended up falling across my youngest sister. When we picked ourselves up there were3 of us in the compartment, me, my brother and my youngest sister. I had some dresses that needed to be tried on by someone but seeing as she was there I had her try them on. They fitted her beautifully, these exotic party dresses that looked as if they might have been made for an adult but fitted a child. There were 1 or 2 gasps of astonishment from another woman who was there too. I gave her one, I gave her the second and I gave her the third. It all went really well. I asked my sister if she wanted some coffee. She’d never tried coffee before so I made her something weak. she drank it and thought that it was nice. The second dress, I gave her a second coffee and I’d made it the same. She thought that was nice too. But the third dress I made the coffee just how Nerina liked it. Of course she wasn’t there so I offered it to my sister. She tasted it and pulled a face. She asked about it so I said that it’s coffee that I’d made for Nerina. I could see that she was putting it on one side as if she was going to deliberately forget to drink it at some point or other.

I was moving house and I had a few people who were going to help me. They’d come round to see me to talk about the job, some young people and have a look through. The vehicle we were going to use was an elderly Ford Transit heavyweight van, a kind of van built on the long wheelbase rather than the panel van integral design method. An ancient, elderly thing but it would do the job. As we were talking a friend of mine rang up. He started to talk to me about the move. He asked me what my plans were. I felt terrible trying to discuss it with him without actually having discussed it with these people. That’s why they were here. The plan was that Day 1 we’d pack up the apartment into this van, Day 2 we’d drive to Shrewsbury, Day 3 we’d have a day off to recover and Day 4 we’d unload the van at the new house. My friend was astonished about this. He thought that it would cost the earth. I couldn’t talk about that because I wanted to talk to these people about it first. It was a very awkward, stilted telephone conversation. One or two things did actually come out which resulted in one of the people with me sending me an e-mail. I thought that this conversation with my friend was going to go completely out of hand if I wasn’t careful. How I wish that he hadn’t called up at that moment so as to give me some time to agree terms with these people who had just come round.

There was more to it than this but you don’t want to know about it, especially if you are eating a meal.

When the alarm went off at 06:30 I was already awake. There’s that much racket here in the early morning that after about 05:30 it’s almost impossible to sleep if you’re as light a sleeper as I am.

We had all of the usual routine but a physiotherapist came to see me and ran me through a few exercises. My legs are much weaker than you’d expect and it’s going to be ludicrous if they let me out into the wild blue yonder.

As well as the doctor and her professor I had a Welsh lesson too. Surprisingly that passed OK and in fact I was quite pleased about how it went.

And that makes a big change, doesn’t it?

The rest of the day has been spent dealing with nurses, falling asleep, all kinds of stuff like that. And eating my rather boring meals. They are good, well-prepared and filling but they are all the same and after nearly 3 weeks I would die for something different.

Anyway it’s early now and I’m told that a nurse will come by later on at some point but even so I’m going to settle down under the bedclothes and listen to the old-time radio.

Tomorrow there are no appointments so it should be a quiet day. There’s something happening on Thursday and then several appointments a week later. So if they throw me out after my Thursday appointment I’ll have to kick my heels around Leuven for a week.

This is all turning into something of a farce, except that it really is no laughing matter.

0

Monday 14th November 2022 – I’VE HAD A …

… very busy day today. So much so that I’ve spent much of the day asleep.

Last night was quite busy too. Although I’d had a reasonably early night for a change, I stayed with the headphones on and listened to all 3.5 hours of a Paul Temple adventure, tucked up under the bedclothes with my headphones on. Consequently it was a very sleepy me at some time after 00:00 when I finally switched off everything.

During the night I awoke two or three times and there’s plenty of stuff on the dictaphone too. We were on board a cruise ship, working. The captain was a James Robertson Justice-type of figure. He rounded up some of us and asked if we’d taken a certain medication that he showed us. The idea was that it was a kind of pep pill or something like that. I replied “no” and pointed out the list of exceptions to people who could take the medication even though I’d taken a couple of shots of it and decided that it wasn’t a road down which I wanted to go. He said to the other people “I want to talk to you about something else” and ushered them into his cabin leaving the door open. at that moment Tuppence came up the stairs, a very old and mangy Tuppence. I picked her up and she began to yowl and complain about her tail. I picked her up and went into the room. He was showing them a selection of amplifiers. I can’t remember what the first one was called but the second was a deluxe edition called “The Black Sabbath” which was where the amplifier actually sensed everything, even the current to turn it on. He didn’t need any kind of controls on it at all – you just plugged in your guitar and plugged it into a speaker column and away you went.

We were at Shearings having a meeting on a motorway service area north of Carlisle. There were 4 part-time drivers including me, 4 full-time drivers and several members of the officials. At a certain moment 4 brand-new Volvo cross-country estates pulled up painted white. The drivers got out to leave them. It seemed that Shearings had actually bought them for some purpose or other. Then 4 brand-new coaches appeared. The drivers pulled up and got out. On the coaches there needed some work doing, like some of the equipment was held up in brackets and the brackets need to be undone. It was necessary to find several long bolts that could be used as drifts to hit with a hammer in order to do this. I was lucky that I had some of the correct bolts so I distributed them around. Then it turned out that one of the pieces of equipment had been taken off and a washer was missing. I had a washer but it had to be taken back to Carlisle to the depot from where these coaches had come. Seeing as it was going to be on my way home I said that I’d take it. Then the 4 of us were told to go so I asked “does that mean that we have to take these Volvos?”. There was some silence. No-one could understand what I was meaning. The chairman of the company then piped up “do you want these part-time drivers to take the Volvos or the brand-new coaches? Which do you think is best?”. It was agreed that we’d take the Volvos back down to Wigan. I mentioned that I had to go to drop off this washer. The chairman didn’t think that this was very important but I remarked that this guy had an annual test on his vehicles on Tuesday. He’d be really sad if he had a failure or advisory on a washer that was something to do with us not having handed it back. In the end he agreed that on my way back down to Wigan I’d go via the centre of Carlisle and drop off this washer. There was all talk about these brand-new vehicles, the coaches and the Volvo estates about how much looting and pillaging there was of these brand-new vehicles. When they actually came to be put on the road to do a job there were that many complications because of all the stuff that had been removed unlawfully from them by all kinds of various people when the vehicles were in the garage.

And then there was something about a big group of hippies who had taken over an old abandoned town from the Victorian era. They were busy trying to rebuild some form of houses, doing it in all sorts of ways by sometimes demolishing some stuff, sometimes adding on new stuff depending on the circumstances of each individual family unit how well they were doing it. There was one situation where dragging a timber beam down a roof had caused the whole lot to collapse and buried several people alive in there. They were unable to dig them out. In the end they turned the site of this building that had fallen down into a memorial garden where these people would be recognised and honoured. I found a small room that didn’t need very much work doing to it that would be ideal for me. It seemed that it was a problem because it was marked down in a building for public performances. I contacted the insurance people whoever and asked them if played the guitar and let people come in to listen to me, whether that would count in the terms of the restrictive covenant. They replied “yes, it would be OK” so I decided to go ahead to continue to bring this room up to my standards.

Very regrettably I didn’t end up back in school or in Wrenbury as far as I remember and that’s depressing. That was a very peaceful and pleasant experience the other night.

No breakfast for me this morning. I’m having a special kind of CT scan and so I need to be à jeun this scan was timed to be at 09:15 so at 08:45 they came to fetch me.

Somewhat later than planned, they made a start on me.

Firstly they gave me a very, very slow injection of some kind of radioactive sugar solution. They couldn’t use my catheter port because it’s been in for several days so that had to inject into a vein. Good luck with that!

Once they had finally managed to place an external catheter into the bloodstream, I then had to drink three extremely large beakers of water, and that necessitated the odd trip or two to the bathroom.

It took a while for everything to work, and eventually they wheeled me off into where this scan was taking place. It’s just like any other one of these “Stargate” time-travelling machines except that today I was strapped in and the scan took about 15 minutes before it was completed.

There was a long wait before they came to take me back to my room. it was 11:25 when I returned and long past my breakfast time. I wrote that off as a lost cause.

The doctor turned up almost immediately. She told me that the results of the scan won’t be known for a couple of days. She gave me a good going-over and while she was at it I took the opportunity to bend her ear about the feeling that I have that they are going to turf me out once the virus has disappeared and miss out on a golden opportunity to deal with my other health issues.

Judging by her stammered response I could see that I’d caught her on a touchy spot and my suspicions may well be correct. And if that’s the case I shall go berserk. I’ve had it up to here with them passing the parcel over this breathing issue and the latest developments with my right leg that nearly saw me underneath a train on the Berri-UQAM metro station in Montreal the other week.

These things really need to be sorted out and the quicker the better. Nearly 3 weeks of inaction in a hospital bed is the perfect opportunity and they are going to miss it. And then we’ll waste more of what is left of my precious couple of years left going round and round and, presumably, disappearing up my own exhaust pipe like the famous Oozelum Bird.

Of course, my lunch wasn’t ready so they had to scramble around to find it and as a result that was quite late too. And I’d barely finished before someone else came along to whisk me off for another test.

This one was to check on the amount of water still in my lungs and around the heart. This pneumonia still hasn’t gone despite the antibiotics.

It took a while to complete the scan but at least they found that I had a heart. That’s good news, because it shows that I’m not a Conservative. What was not so good was that the technician had to call a doctor in to see the scans that he’d taken.

By the time that I returned here it was 15:35 and I’d not had a coffee for almost 22 hours. Luckily a little student nurse came in to give me some medication and so I prevailed upon her to hunt down a mug of coffee for me. These student nurses really are sweet and I want to take them all home with me.

The rest of the day has been spent half-asleep being shaken awake by a variety of nurses waking me up for this and that. But not “the other” though. That kind of thing is a distant memory.

So having done everything that I was supposed to do and having finished my notes somewhat early, I’m going to close everything down except the Old-Time Radio on the laptop and curl up under the covers for a quiet evening.

But I’m sure that something will come along and disturb the peace.

It usually does.

0

Sunday 13th November 2022 – AS I EXPECTED …

… not an awful lot happened today.

One of the housemen came round this morning to see me and asked me how I was feeling. I told him about all of my woes.

Even more importantly, I explained that I was disappointed that it seemed that the hospital was missing a golden opportunity in not giving me all kinds of examinations about the breathing issues.

He replied that the hospital was concentrating on the virus before dealing with anything else but I told him that I wished that I could be so confident. I was rather sceptical on this point. I had a feeling that the hospital was going to discharge me once this virus has gone and they would miss a golden opportunity to settle the matter of my breathing once and for all.

One thing that I mentioned was that I wasn’t prepared to support any more of this “going round in circles”. With Waldenstrohm’s Disease there’s a timeline. No-one with this disease has survived more than 11 years and I’ve had it for at least 7 years. I made it perfectly clear that with only 4 years left at the most.

With the hospital having already wasted 18 months of what little time I have left and not resolved this issue I was not in the mood to have any more of my time wasted.

He told me that he’d made a note but I remain unconvinced.

A second incident worth noting was that I had another relapse today. I’ve moved my room around a little and spent most of the day sitting in my chair by the radiator. In the late afternoon I came over all cold and had to wrap up with my fleece jacket and also a blanket across my knees.

The nurse took my temperature but there was no fever. But nevertheless I really was cold and I couldn’t wait to tuck myself up in bed.

But this morning was worth noting too. I was wide-awake at about 05:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep. In fact I was wide awake.

I had some fibreglass repairs to do for something so I was doing it outside this building. People came past to look, to see and to talk. One woman came past and engaged me in conversation. She said “don’t ask me to do this”. I suddenly remembered that she’d worked for the company in Crewe that built fire engines … "Mountain Range" – ed … as a fibreglasser. I said “if I need your help I’ll call for you” to which she made some kind of dismissive gesture. I carried on and sure enough half an hour later I had to make a box out of fibreglass so I used a plastic container as a mould. I couldn’t make this box correctly – there wasn’t enough resin. It was letting in water and wasn’t watertight. It was starting to go darker so I thought that I’d give it up as a bad job and try again tomorrow. There was an old guy, obviously rather feeble in the head, came past and asked me where I’d had the best medical attention and the best driving school. I said “Congleton” as I’d actively been followed by the medical centre in Congleton for something or other. He made some kind of dismissive remark about that. He called over some other people whom we knew who had come to fetch him. He said “did you hear what he said just then about this health centre and driving school?”. They obviously did because they said “if that’s what he thinks, then he’s entitled to think it”. This little old feeble guy continued to make a mockery of whatever it was that I’d said about going to Congleton.

Back at school a girl had been placed in detention. She was about 3 years younger than me. Because I was busy doing an exam they put her in the same room as me. My exam was to write about potatoes. I hadn’t done any revision but I reckoned that I could bluff my way through this exam quite comfortably. I set to work and found that I finished quite easily with plenty of time left. I was very happy with what I’d written. I began to talk to the girl. She’d been placed in detention for something strange and had a lot of work to do as a result, one of which was to write a letter of apology to the headmaster so with nothing better to do I wrote it for her and printed it out. The ink was feeble on our printer. We spent most of our time while she was in detention talking about school, about her classes and people in them. I found to my surprise that not only did I reckon that she an attractive young girl, she had a lot to say for herself that was extremely interesting. I found myself thinking that this is a girl who would be the kind of girl that I would like to have as a companion. We talked endlessly about all kinds of problems and difficulties. She asked me if I would take the note that I had typed out to the headmaster and tell him that she’d print it when she could find a decent printer. Anything to keep her happy, I took it to the headmaster’s room. He was in the middle of a meeting. I recognised all the teachers of course. One of the things that he was saying was that there wasn’t a single pupil in this school now who had anything for which to be reproached. He wasn’t expecting a report from anyone. and there I was, standing at the door with the report from this girl. I was highly tempted at that moment to walk in and hand it to him. But a couple of teachers noticed me hovering around at the door outside and switched the conversation to Welsh. Of course I could speak Welsh so I could hear all of these intimate details going on. It was quite obvious to anyone that I was listening and making notes. I was half-expecting to be called in at any moment to find out what I was doing and why I was there but the conversation carried on and on.

But going back to this girl, she was as I said about 3 years younger than me, long, straight auburn hair and lived in one of the villages around Wrenbury, somewhere like that. She was talking to me about how the school was basically divided into 2, the rich people and the poor people. I asked which one she was and I could see that she immediately went on the defensive so I gathered that she was one of the poor people. That suited me fine because I was from a council estate. I really felt that I had a lot in common with her and how I would really really strike up some kind of rapport with her and maybe develop a relationship with her but I was certainly learning a lot about the lower echelons of the school that I never knew before that was really interesting.

She would have been the kind of girl with whom I would have been more than happy to be associated. It was another one of those dreams that gave me a pleasant, warm feeling just like that WORLESTON DREAM of several years ago and how I wished that it would never end until I’d finally managed to get my hands on this very nice and pleasant young girl.

I can see her now. She had long, straight auburn hair and dressed in a school uniform, white blouse, school tie, navy blue cardigan, blue pleated skirt that was fairly short, white knee-length socks and typical Mary-Jane type shoes, exactly the kind of thing that you’d expect from a girl who was maybe in the Remove or Lower Fifth, which would seem to fit in with my 6th-form exam that I’d just been taking.

This dream was so realistic and so comfortable that I couldn’t go back to sleep afterwards. It was one of those rare dreams that was preying on my mind because it felt so right. It’s really hard to explain anything about this. It reminds me very much of that dream that I had about that girl from Worleston all those years ago, it really was such a nice comfortable, proper, warm kind of dream. It’s a shame that it had to end.

So right now I’m going to go back to sleep and try to have part two of this interesting dream in which I finally manage to get the girl.

But I doubt it very much. If only things work out how we would like them to be but the subconscious isn’t like that, is it?

0

Saturday 12th November 2022 – WITH IT BEING …

… Saturday today it’s been very quiet.

No examinations or specialists or technicians around in the hospital over the weekend so I’ve spent most of my time in my bed here in my room.

One person who did put in an appearance was the young female doctor who has been following my case to a certain degree. She’d seen the letter that I had written the other day.

She asked what had happened so I explained and she was full of profuse apologies. I reassured her that she had no reason to apologise as what had happened was nothing whatever to do with her and she had played no role in the events that took place on that shameful afternoon.

But anyway, last night I had another deep comfortable sleep right through until the alarm went off at 06:30.

There’s some stuff on the dictaphone too from the night. There was a woman in Stoke on Trent, a young woman who worked on the buses and was known for being something of a flighty piece. She was a single mother and had a new partner which weemed to be a weekly thing. One morning she just didn’t turn up for work at all. There was all kinds of speculation about whether she’d had a row with this new lover and had thrown him out or, more to the point, had he done away with her. There was talk about sending someone round to her address to see whether her house was riddled with flies or similar as an indication of a dead body being present. Why they hadn’t sent anyone before this I really don’t know.

Someone in a railway carriage on a train who basically had a rerun of the Foxcote railway accident about which I’d been reading in the evening prior to going to sleep

After breakfast much of the morning was spent falling asleep and being shaken awake by various nurses, the odd doctor and so on. But there was no washing supplies, towels and clean clothes delivered. Trust it to be at the moment that I’m wearing a bedgown that’s falling apart and that I’ll have to try to wear for yet another day.

After lunch, there was football on the inernet. Despite the news blackout imposed by the Rugby-supporting and sponsoring Welsh media on the domestic football scene, it’s Welsh Cup day today.

The live match was Connah’s Quay Nomads, second in the Welsh Premier League, against Colwyn Bay, currently leading a pack of clubs at the head of the second tier.

The scoreline of 4-0 to the Nomads suggests a very one-sided game but that’s far from the case. Colwyn Bay played some nice, attractive football but couldn’t break through a skilled and experienced Nomads defence. On the other hand the Nomads attacking pair of Mike Hayes and Michael Wilde were just too much of a handful for the Colwyn Bay defence.

Nothing much else has happened today. On the afternoon shift today is a first-year student nurse but despite her inexperience, she has exactly the right kind of touch. She put in all of the eye drops perfectly and the injection that she gave me was painless.

The nurse who was mentoring her asked me how I was feeling after her apprentice had given me the injection so I told them both that I think that I’ll survive. That made them both laugh.

Now it’s bedtime. Tomorrow will be a quiet day again, I hope. I won’t be doing much and I don’t think that they will either.

But of course, anything unexpected can happen. And wouldn’t that be nice?

0

Friday 11th November 2022 – I’VE HAD ANOTHER …

… bad, miserable day today. Not quite a relapse but it was the nearest thing to it.

Last night I went to sleep fairly early and slept right the way through until the alarm went off at 06:30. There’s a very vague feeling of being awake at some point but I really couldn’t remember.

After my early morning orange I had a look at the dictaphone. Sure enough, there was a couple of files on there from some point during the night. I awoke in a hospital ward dreaming about having some sprouts fried in butter with mashed potato and a quorn fillet. This dream was so realistic that when I awoke at about I dunno 01:40 I was quite ready to sit up and eat it. The cooking was brilliant and the smell was gorgeous. It was really nice and I was really looking forward to it.

I was up arguing yet again with a group of people, boys and girls, about all kinds of different things. We’d started off somewhere or other and had to walk an enormous distance. It originally began with me being at home, the phone ringing and whoever answered it taking what sounded like a taxi job. She asked me “how long would it take me to get to Rome?”. I thought “at least 3.5 hours” so she told the person and they seemed to accept the time so we had to get the car ready, find a map etc. It was an area of Rome called Dommodossola which is actually a town on the Italian border between Switzerland or Austria or somewhere like that. I had to go to the Rome Railway Station East at Dommodossola in Rome and pick up these people who had been mistakenly told that there was a train north but there wasn’t. This was the only way that they could return home. We took the job and I prepared things and had to set out to walk there. It was a complicated route – we were in these villages and moors and on the fells. One village seemed very much like another, one road seemed like another. We took short cuts through people’s houses. Some kind of argument broke out about something to do with history. I found myself on my own in this village high on the hills on my way to Rome.

On a more depressing and urgent note the battery indicator on my dictaphone has started to flicker, an indication that the batteries are going flat. And the spare batteries and battery charger are still at the Hotel de France in Brussels where I left everything when I was admitted to hospital.

But never mind. I sent an urgent SOS to Alison which she acknowledged.

Yesterday I mentioned that I’d written a letter about the wicked events of yesterday afternoon. This morning the houseman, or housewoman in fact, came by to check up on me. Of course with it being a Bank Holiday in Belgium today there are no specialists or Professors about but I gave my visitor the letter and she promised me that she’d leave it on the desk of her Professor.

As for what happens next we’ll have to see, but if she really did pass it on I’m prepared for a fight. I’m not being treated like that.

That was all of the excitement as far as the medical staff goes. No specialists and no Professors means no examinations so nothing is going to happen until Monday at the earliest. It’ll be a nice relaxing weekend, I hope.

Later in the day Alison turned up. She’d remembered my batteries which was really nice of her. We had a good chat which was also very nice but it’s the last one that we’ll have for a while as she’s off to the UK tomorrow on family business tomorrow for most of next week.

During the course of the day I’ve found myself slipping into the abyss. I’m not sure whether it’s my illness having a little relapse or whether it’s the Black Dog that’s awoken. It might be the former of course but if it’s the latter it’s hardly a surprise with everything that has gone one just recently.

But there was something that brought a smile to my face this evening. When they brought round the evening meal, the lid of the coffee pot – we have little 500 ml thermal coffee pots each -was screwed on so tightly that it took me 5 minutes and quite a wrestle in order to loosen it.

Actually it was one of the young nurses who had screwed it up so tightly and she didn’t look as if she had the strength.

“Woe is me” I thought to myself “that I didn’t have the strength to undo it”.

It reminded me of the story of the man who went to the doctor. “Do you remember the pills that you gave me to give me strength?”
“Ohh yes” replied the doctor. “Did they work?”
“I don’t know” replied the patient. “I can’t get the top off the bottle”.

I’ll get my coat.

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Thursday 10th November 2022 – I’VE WRITTEN A …

… letter to the hospital staff that I will hand to a doctor at the next available opportunity.

Basically, it says that I withdraw any and all permissions for tubes, pipes, cameras and the like to be inserted into my body.

As regular readers of this rubbish will recall, I have a total horror of pipes and tubes going into my body and always have done and I’ve mentioned this to everyone with whom I’ve come into contact at the hospital. They know that they can render me unconscious by whatever means they like and when they have done that they can do what they like.

But only if I’m unconscious.

10 or so days ago they took me down to the bowels of the hospital to shove a camera down my throat. First though they gave me a pill and I was unconscious for three hours.

Today I had to go back down there so a handy porter took me and my bed on our travels.

The doctor down there remembered me, remembered my pill but just to remind her, I gave her my little speech.

So she put me on the bed in there, sprayed something in my throat, slammed something between my teeth and then simply pushed the camera down my throat with no anaesthetic at all

It goes without saying that we had the usual panic attack and everything that went with it. And hence my letter.

Last night I was in bed quite early and slept the sleep of the dead until the alarm went off at 06:30 There was one occasion when I awoke to find someone poking and prodding me round about 04:00.

Nothing on the dictaphone from last night so it must have been a deep sleep.

Much of the morning was spent either sleeping or being shaken awake but nurses and doctors. One doctor was particularly interested in my legs and that’s always a good sign.

What I didn’t like was being told round about 09:30 that I could no longer eat anything until my camera examination. I wouldn’t normally have minded except that they didn’t come for me until 14:30.

That wasn’t quite so bad but then they kept me waiting for an age before they saw me. And this is where the problem lies, I reckon, They were running late and didn’t have the time or the space to keep me on one side for a few hours while I recovered..

So I missed my lunch but I was back just in time for tea. And if that really was hummus that I had, it was the strangest hummus that I have ever eaten.

Anyway, that was basically that today. The desperate disappointment of this bronchoscopy has ruined everything here and things won’t ever be the same again.

It was an appalling thing to do to me because they all know how I feel about things like this. They’ve all had fair warning over the past few years and it’s extremely regrettable that the doctor, who took so much care to deal with me the first time, totally ignored my wishes the second time.

And I’ll tell you something for nothing. It won’t ever happen again.

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