Wednesday 28th October 2015 – THE ANSWER TO YESTERDAY’S QUESTION IS …

… the bathroom. That’s where I ended up last night on my travels.

And that was partly by accident too, because I had a very severe attack of cramp in the middle of the night and it took me ages to shake it off. And that didn’t work all that well either, because I still have a tense muscle in the upper rear of my right thigh.

But anyway, seeing as I was up, I went to the bathroom.

With nothing urgent that needed doing today, I didn’t exactly rocket out of bed, and then after breakfast I had a leisurely morning doing stuff on the laptop and sorting myself out. And then there was some housekeeping to be done about the records that I keep for Radio Anglais.

But here’s a thing. For the rock music programmes that we do, I keep a playlist of what albums are played during the month, like this one, and then a website where all of them might be seen, with an opportunity for interested listeners to purchase them. I spent days during July and the first part of August to set up this A-store, and now I find that Amazon has taken down all of their A-stores with effect from 31st August, just a few weeks after I finished setting it up.

I shall now have to think again, and make up an A-store of my own. That was all a waste of time and effort, wasn’t it? But one thing that I did learn while I was doing it – and that is that my CD collection is worth a fortune. I have a couple of CDs that would sell on Amazon for over €200 each, and several others that would bring in a pile of dosh too.

After lunch I took the bull by the horns and steam-cleaned the fridge. Plenty of bleach and disinfectant went into it and while I wouldn’t like to eat my dinner off it, it’s still a lot cleaner than it ever has been in recent times, and that’s good news. I also spent some time tidying up on the ground floor, although you wouldn’t notice the difference.

After a brief crashing-out, I made tea and, true to form, Rosemary rang up for a chat and we were on the phone for about an hour. So I finished off tea, which was Rice and lentils with mixed veg and gravy. And now I’m going to do the washing up and have an early night again.

I’ll see if I can make it past the bathroom tonight.

Tuesday 27th October 2015 – TIMBER!!!!!!

I’m not going to be short of wood for the next couple of years, that’s for sure. Not after today, anyway.

I own a parcel of land next to Lieneke’s house and about a year or so ago, a branch snapped off and snagged in trees right above the pathway that she uses to go to her barn. She had a few words with me about moving it, which is no surprise as I wouldn’t like a branch like that poised right above my head.

Anyway, with it being so nice this morning, Terry came round to attend to the branch. We had a good look around the tree and we noticed that there were several other branches that were unsafe. Furthermore, the tree itself was swamped with ivy and there were few leaves on it. It really was in poor condition.

And you’ve no idea how much noise a 50-foot tree makes when it comes crashing to the ground. It certainly shook the neighbourhood. And once it was down (which wasn’t easy) we set to work to cut it into 30cm lengths. While Terry was doing that I was carting it all away with the powered barrow and I now have a huge stack of wood, much of which needs splitting.

It won’t be ready for another year or two as it will have to dry out, but when it is ready it will be astonishing. Not only that, we had a walk around on the plot of land and identified three or four other trees, much smaller, but wood nevertheless, that have almost died out and so they will be coming down next.

I bought a chainsaw from the USA years and years ago and so we had it out. It worked fine but after having been stuck in the tree as it fell over, it’s bent the rail and needs to be repaired. Terry is looking into that and when it’s done, there are piles of things that I can be doing with it.

While we were tidying up we had the threatened rainstorm and so Terry came in to measure up for the plumbing and then went home. I’m not as young as I used to be – in fact I was struggling with the power barrow – and so I came up here and crashed out.

No reason why I should be tired though – after all, I’d had a good sleep last night and I’d been on my travels too. I was driving a taxi quite a distance away and when I reached as far as Sheffield, I realised that I could call up my base on the radio from the hills around there, due to the atmospherics in the air. Up and down the hills through some really depressing scenery, and then suddenly I had the idea to go to another taxi office there where I could call back to my base. I immediately appeared in a taxi office in the cellar of a big building, called back home, and then went up to the ground floor and outside. I remembered that I’d been “transported” into this taxi office and this caused a problem in that I couldn’t remember where my taxi might be, and I had a good prowl around the area, even in the local scrapyard, but that didn’t help and I ended up wandering aimlessly around. And at a certain moment I even had Zero accompanying me on my travels, and I’m no idea what she was doing.

Tonight, I finally had my Sunday night pizza that I forgot yesterday, and now I’m off for another early night and see where I end up.

-1

Monday 26th October 2015 – AND THERE I WAS …

… deep in the arms of Morpheus, when the alarm went off. And I sat bolt upright and as I did so, all memory of where I’d been and what I’d been doing was completely wiped away.

After an early breakfast I reviewed everything that I’d written, collected up some music and then shot off to Marcillat, dodging the tractors on the way.

Recording the programmes didn’t take long, but what did take a good while was to find the events for the next month. We hadn’t been sent the dates by the tourist information office and the office was closed today. But scrounging around produced enough events to make up a decent programme or two.

Back at Liz and Terry’s, we had lunch (I had what was left over from last night) and vegan ginger cake, and Terry and I made some plans for the rest of the week.

Recording the Radio Arverne sessions was straightforward too and then Liz and I went off to do some shopping. With grapes at just €2:49 a kilo I bought a supply, but it goes without saying that they didn’t make it home.

In exchange for a coffee, Liz showed me how to use my mobile phone as a modem to power my laptop and now I can use my laptop anywhere in France provided that there’s a mobile phone signal, even if there isn’t a wi-fi signal.

Back here I had some work to catch up on and I made a quick meal too. But what has caught me by surprise was that with not having used the inverter at all today, of the 200 amp-hours of solar energy that I received today, 168 amp-hours of it went into the 12-volt immersion heater and the temperature went off the scale. Consequently I went and had a really good washing-up session of plates and dishes.

Tomorrow, what I’ll be doing depends upon the weather. If it’s raining, I’m off to Terry’s. But if it’s dry, he’s coming around here.

-1

Sunday 25th October 2015 – I’VE RARELY SEEN …

… such a one-sided football match as this. It wasn’t that Charensat were any good because they weren’t – it’s just that Pionsat were so flaming awful. For the first half, the whole team was asleep – their bodies were out on the pitch but the rest of them were miles away. For the second half, three or four of them managed to wake up and it was slightly better, but equally, three or four could have stayed in the dressing room for all the good that they did and no-one would have missed them. Pionsat, relegated from the 1st Division last season, are going to be spending several long, cold winters in Divison 2 if they can’t get it together.

Time and time again, Charensat swarmed right through the Pionsat defence as if it wasn’t there (which it wasn’t) and there were about 20 one-on-ones with Matthieu in the Pionsat goal. A few he saved, but by far the most of them were ballooned miles over the bar or miles wide of the post. The Charensat finishing was appalling. On one occasion Pionsat’s defence, such as it was, stayed around arguing with the linesman for not giving an offside instead of following up the ball while two of the Charensat players beamed down on Matthieu. He saved the first shot and had his defence been playing like grown-ups they would have intercepted the loose ball at the very least. But instead, the ball fell kindly to the other Charensat player, who blasted it about 30 feet over the bar, unmarked from about 10 yards out. This was totally embarrassing, from both teams’ points of view.

In fact several Pionsat players spent so much time arguing with the ref and the linesman instead of following the ball and it was totally unnecessary. Players of Pionsat’s experience should know better. In fact, one of Pionsat’s attackers, too busy arguing with the ref instead of concentrating on the game, was caught offside in what would have been a marvellous attacking position had he been paying attention.

Charensat did score one goal, and how they were limited to one is totally beyond me. They were completely in control of this match. And then we had the totally unbelievable. Matthieu kicked a long high ball right out of the area high up front. Cedric leapt up and headed it on over the defence, and Nico, running on, lobbed it over the keeper for the equaliser. The ball didn’t touch the ground until it was in the back of the net.

But like I said earlier, it’s going to be a long hard couple of years for Pionsat.

Now this morning, I would have had a lovely night’s long sleep except that Bane of Britain somehow confused things so that the reminder for the radio programmes went off this morning instead of tomorrow morning.

And I was on my travels too. I’d been in the far north of Labrador in a vehicle which was like a “Bigfoot” but with a car body of the late 1940s and how that cruised over the uneven roads. Back in civilisation I’d met up with Nerina again and we’d spent a while in a cheap hotel in some dingy town before I had to leave. Given the price of the return ticket on public transport, I went to the darker side of town to buy a really cheap car (I actually did this once in 1995 when I was in London and ended up with a £70 Ford Cortina instead of a Eurostar ticket, and on another occasion it was cheaper to hire a car and put the petrol in to drive from London to Bath rather than pay the fare for the train). Anyway, we had a good look around all of this area at the cheap cars for sale and one of the vehicles at which I was looking was a BMC MG-1300 in white and pale green. I was wondering whether I should ask her if she still had her Wolseley but I decided that it was best not to sho too much interest.

After breakfast I had a relax and didn’t do too much at all. But by about 13:30 the temperature in the verandah was 19°C, the temperature in the 12-volt immersion heater was 36°C thanks to the sun that we had and thus the fully-charged batteries, and so I had a tepid shower in the corner of the verandah with the warm water and a jug. And nice it was too, especially now that I have clean clothes too.

Still plenty of time before I needed to go and so I cut my hair and made myself some butties, and then I was off to Charensat.

After the football match I went round to Liz and Terry’s to rehearse the radio programmes that we will be recording.

The way that I went is not a road that I take very often. It’s from St Priest down to the Barrage des Fades and for the first time today I noticed that at a certain spot there’s a stunning view of the Gorges de la Sioule and also of the Viaduc des Fades from an angle from which I’ve never seen it before.

We did what we had to and Liz made a beautiful vegan meal complete with ginger cake, and Terry and I made a few plans.

Back here, I haven’t done much and I’ll be having an early night. We have a lot to do tomorrow.

-1

Saturday 24th October 2015 – GRRRR! THEY’VE DONE IT AGAIN!!!

And you’ve no idea how much this is annoying me.

Tonight Pionsat’s 2nd XI were playing Teilhet so I duly took myself down to the ground. It was about 19:50 when I arrived, 10 minutes before kick-off, but they were already spotting the ball. So I dashed into the ground and watched the 1st 45 minutes. A strong Pionsat side, with one or two out of the 1st XI and 2 players on the bench, played quite impressively and scored a peach of a goal without the Goatslayers offering very very much during the match.

And then the ref blew for half time and the players whipped up the corner flags. What the heck is going on here? “Ohh, we had an early kick-off tonight” was the explanation. And once more, no-one could be bothered to let me know. And they had scored 3 goals in the half that I had missed too.

But I did well to be here too because I was in a submarine during the night, and you know how unlikely that is likely to be. But it wasn’t a cramped-up U-Boat that we were in, but one of these super subs with a huge glass window like the one that went to the bottom of the sea in that television programme – Seaview, wasn’t it? Actually I’m not quite sure what is worse? Being enclosed in so that I can’t see anything, or having a window to look out of so that I could see the oppressive, overpowering and menacing sea that has overwhelmed me.

But despite a late night last night, I was up early and at 08:20 I was breakfasting. And by 11:30 I’d done the two rock programmes for Monday. And then tonight I had to do the miscellaneous programme all over again when I returned home after the football as I’d forgotten about the standards to which I work and I’d rather messed it up a little.

The live concert though, that I’ve edited, engineered and mixed, has gone together really well and you can only hear the join in one place.

I went shopping today as usual, and bought myself a pair of cheap boots for working through the winter. I met Karl and Lou too, and they told me about another Anglo-Francais group that has sprung up. They are going to try to wangle an invitation for me so that I can see what happens.

And so the football …

Friday 23rd October 2015 – WELL, THAT IDEA WORKED!

Last night, just before going to bed, I switched on the gas heater and sat in front of it reading a book for 15 minutes. And in that time, the temperature rose from 10°C to 13°C on the thermometer right across the room, but it was roasting where I was sitting. And I was able to go to bed nice and warm.

Even better, it was one degree warmer next morning when I awoke, which was rather … errr … later than I had intended it to be, even with all of the alarms going off.

Mind you, I probably hadn’t returned from my nocturnal ramblings at alarm-time. I’d been to Stoke on Trent to meet a former friend of mine and we had to deliver some messages from an Accountancy firm to about 20 of their clients, But I had forgotten the name of the Accountants. No matter, I thought to myself. I’ll look at a map where all of the Accountants’ offices are all displayed and labelled, and I’d soon recognise the name. However I hadn’t counted on the fact that there were so many accountants labelled on this map that all of the labels overlapped and I couldn’t read any of them, never mind recognise the one that I wanted. And then we degenerated into part of a journey that I’d been on before on another nocturnal ramble where I was out on a part of Stoke on Trent that I know very well both in real life and on the nocturnal plane when it is in fact completely different. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been on an overlapping nocturnal ramble but the fact that they do exist helps to prove one of the points that this study – the one in which I participated – was trying to make all those years ago.

After breakfast I had another go at the radio programmes and I’m making progress. Not as much as I would like but progress all the same. I’m going to have to get my skates on.

And that’s all I’ve done today. Not very much, I know, but I can’t organise myself sufficiently at the moment and I’m going to have to do something dramatic about this.

Thursday 22nd October 2015 – AND AFTER YESTERDAY’S MEGA-LIE-IN …

… it was gone 02:00 when I went to bed.

And consequently no-one was more surprised that me to be wide awake at 05:30 and up and about eating breakfast long before the alarm at 07:30.

But I know that I had been to sleep (even although it may not seem like it) because I was on my travels again. Regular readers of this rubbish will recall that back in the Spring a local family from around here made a few unscheduled guest appearances in my nocturnal ramblings, and here they were again last night. Three of them – mum and dad sitting together on a double seat near the back of a bus in which I was a passenger (not a driver) and daughter on her own on a double seat in front. I was slowly working my way backwards so as to sit next to daughter but mum and dad dumped their coats on the empty seat to prevent me sitting there (they were certainly alive to what was going on) but as if a couple of coats were ever going to deter me. And subsequently, the bus sank (ohh yes they do, you know) and we were decanted into the ocean. Many people were saved, but not daughter, even though it was known from aerial reconnaissance that she was still alive and swimming 28 hours after the sinking.

What was bizarre about this is that in the water sequence, although I was in the water, I wasn’t there with me (if that makes sense). I was up in the air looking down on all of this going on, seeing myself in the water, seeing this daughter swimming and so on. It’s not actually the first time that I’ve witnessed myself from a detached (usually airborne) viewpoint but it’s rare enough to be noted.

And there’s definitely a mouse in the attic because I surprised it when I came up here. So I’ve had a good clean around in the attic but I can’t find it. I’ve sorted out a mousetrap and I shall get after it. And then I’ll have to work out how it entered the room.

I managed to get myself into gear today and I’ve completed the Additional Notes for the next version of Radio Anglais. Tomorrow I’m hoping to do something about a new topic (we need one for the next series of programmes) and then I’ll do the rock shows. I have up until Sunday afternoon to do all of this, but you’ll be surprised just how quickly time goes.

I had a parcel delivery too today, having to go out in the driving rain and hanging cloud to rescue it as the Chronopost driver lost his way. I’m not telling you what’s in it yet as I’m not sure ready to keep it until Christmas. It’s not as if I really need it yet but we shall see.

I’ve sorted out the mousetrap, as I said, and I’ve also sorted out the gas heater. There’s a broken element on the heater, right at the first position, and I can’t remove one of the others to replace it so I’ll have to try to do the best that I can. But at least I’ll be something like warm when I go to bed, and when I wake up too if I remember to switch it on.

-1

Wednesday 21st October 2015 – THAT WAS TEMPTING FATE.

Wasn’t it just?

Despite a reasonably-early night, it was all of, would you believe … errr … 13:00 this afternoon when I awoke. I’d been on a most exciting journey too during the night but when I awoke, it was immediately wiped from my memory and I can’t remember a thing about it now.

So after a rather late breakfast, I finally put myself into gear and cracked on with the next load of Radio Anglais programmes for the following month. I say “cracked on”, but that was something of an understatement as it was rather a struggle and I hadn’t done all that much by the time that the evening came around. In fact, I haven’t done very much of anything.

The weather hasn’t helped too much either. We’ve had cloud all day and no more that 20 amp-hours of solar electricity, which isn’t very much at all. As a result the temperature in here hasn’t risen very much and I’m teetering on the edge of lighting the fire up here. Not today though because for tea I had my lunchtime sandwich – no point in cooking anything. Had I wanted a hot meal, I might very well have considered lighting the fire.

Tomorrow though I have to be up early as I’m expecting a parcel. Hopefully I’ll be able to have a good session on the Radio Anglais programmes before lunch because in the afternoon I’ll be bringing the gas heater up into the bedroom and doing a few other things that need doing.

I just hope that I remember to hear the alarm, wherever I might be at 07:30 tomorrow.

Tuesday 20th October 2015 – IT SEEMS THAT …

… I might be getting back to normal now. I was awake at about 08:30 (although it was about 09:15 when I finally crawled out of bed). And I was greeted by a typical Auvergnat hanging cloud. It’s good to be back home, isn’t it?

But I wasn’t at home during the night. I was in the USA driving a school bus taking a pile of girls to their High School. And after I had dropped them off and I was checking my tachograph there was a shooting in the school and half of my schoolgirls were mown down. It was a very sad sight in the school. So I parked the bus up after my journey and caught the plane back home in the UK where I lived, arriving back in the early afternoon (there’s a lot to be said about this long-distance commuting to work, which is perfectly feasible when you are on another plane – if you pardon the pun). I told everyone what had happened, because of course I had beaten the newspapers back to the UK. Once that was over, Nerina and I took the caravan (one a couple of sizes bigger than we used to have) off somewhere in the driving rain and despite the caravan being absolutely ancient, it was still good nevertheless to hear the rain beating down on the roof and not leaking through to the inside.

So with breakfast out of the way I had another relaxing day not doing very much. I really do need to get myself into gear and get going on the work that I have to do. But I did have a very long e-mail to write to someone who has contacted me about a couple of problems he’s been having.

I’ve also signed up for a course of Higher Education. As long-term readers of this rubbish will know, I have a little hobby of messing about with a 3D animation program but I’m not much good at it. I’m on the mailing list of a couple of on-line universities and one of the courses proposed for the New Year is “Explore Animation” – a basic course of Computer-Aided Animation. With nothing much better to do, I’ve signed up for it and we’ll see what we shall see.

I’ve cooked tea tonight too. I’ve not had a full three meals per day for ages but today I managed it and about time too. Now I’m going to wash up and I’m off to bed to see where I’ll end up tonight.

Monday 19th October 2015 – I SEEM TO HAVE …

… all of my days mixed up right now, such is jet-lag.

After having a really early start to the day yesterday – a very rare event for a Sunday, I awoke this morning, to a beautiful bright and sunny morning only to find that it was all of 12:50 – in the afternoon!

It was a good job that I didn’t have any plans for the morning, isn’t it? But it certainly was a proper Sunday lie-in – the type that I hadn’t had for I don’t know how many years.

Anyway, by the time that I’d organised myself and had breakfast, it was after 14:00 and so it was hardly worth doing anything else after that. I had a proper Sunday relaxing day where I did absolutely nothing whatsoever. And it’s about time too.

All that I can say is that it’s a pity that it was a Monday, because now I’m a day behind with what I planned to do. I’ll just have to work harder now for the rest of the week.

Sunday 18th October 2015 – SECOND NIGHT …

… in my nice comfy bed, and second night that I’ve been on my travels.

This time I was in a submarine (as if that is ever likely to happen) and we were chasing a German submarine, which was painted yellow and shaped more like a car ferry at the rear with a drop-down ramp at the back. We rammed the enemy submarine from underneath and pushed it up and out of the water onto land, where it seemed to develop a set of wheels and so shot off down the road. We transformed ourselves into something like an enormous Hummer, painted white, and shot off after this wheeled submarine. As we overtook it, it swerved to the left and shot off into a wood. We missed the turning and then we couldn’t work out where it had gone. As a consequence we launched a human kite – the kind that was quite often used in the late 19th Century for reconnaissance purposes – so that our spy in the sky could search all around for the submarine. He couldn’t see it, but he descended lower and lower and heard people speaking German. Then he made a gesture to be winched in immediately – it seemed that there was a family living in the woods who had some German origins and the young children were being taught German. In his eagerness to find out what was going on, he had been careless and allowed himself to be seen by the children.

It’s Sunday today and despite it being the day when I can sleep until eternity, I was wide awake at 07:00 and out of my bed before 08:00. When did that ever happen previously on a Sunday?

And after breakfast and doing a bit on the laptop, I started to clean and tidy up the worktop here. It’s ended up in a bit of a mess after whatever went on while I wasn’t here.

At lunchtime I went round to Rosemary’s. She needed some help and her mobility issues right now means that she can’t help herself too much. She had to move some stuff from her cottage into the house and that took us a couple of hours. As a reward, Rosemary made a lovely leek-and-potato soup with fresh bread and I showed her the photos of my voyages just now.

That took me until 21:00 so on the way back I stopped for some chips and found half on Pionsat’s football team, including Florian and blond Frederic in there eating kebabs.

Now I’m back and I’ve remembered to do the stats. So I’m off to bed.

I wonder where I’ll end up tonight.

Saturday 17th October 2015 – SO FAR TODAY …

…I’ve changed gear three times with Caliburn’s indicator stalk and put him into first gear twice when I’ve been trying to back him into a parking space. And I can’t get the hang of this tiny button in the place where the steering wheel ought to be.

Yes, I’ve been to the shops today – first time since I’ve been back here of course. And I did a full shop that came to just €27:00 even with a few extra bits and pieces. It’s good to be back in Europe where you can buy the food for a week for the same price that you would have to pay for a few bits and pieces in a North American supermarket. All those people who complain about the EU’s Common Agricultural Policy ought to go for a month and do their food shopping in North America. Even with the benefits of mass-production and cut-throat competition, they can’t match the prices that we Europeans pay for our basic foods.

To give you an example – a baguette in a real boulangerie costs about €0:70 – that’s about 90 cents. In a North American supermarket, you’d pay $2:59 for it. These are the prices that people will be paying in Europe if the CAP is dissolved.

And so the first night back in my nice comfy bed.

And so comfortable was I that it was also first night back at my old school for I’ve no idea how many years. I’d been to the school gymnasium for the rehearsals of the school presentation of a Harry Potter play, and there I’d met the girl who was playing Luna Lovegood – who, as regular readers of this rubbish will know, is my favourite character in the series and the girl who should have been paired with Harry Potter – and we’d started dating. I’d agreed to take her home afterwards but when the bell rang, she was pushing her green and yellow bicycle towards the exit. “I’ll just take my bike home” she said, “and then I’ll come back afterwards and you can take me home” (such is the logic of these night-time voyages that I undertake). Anyway, I’d been waiting half an hour and she hadn’t come back so I wondered if I was waiting in the right place. She’d written down her name (it was Lalana or something) and phone number on a piece of paper, but somehow another piece of paper had become stuck over the top and when I peeled that back, it took off half of the girl’s writing. I then went to look for her classroom to see if she was waiting there, but there had been so many changes at the school since I was there that her class year was scattered throughout the building, not like it used to be with three or four classes adjacent when I was there. Eventually some boy gave me a school directory and so I started to thumb through that to see if I could see her in there. But by now it was 20:30 and I’d almost given up hope of finding her again, and I was distraught.

Considering how late I’d gone to bed, waking up at 09:30 (fully-clothed in bed) was something of an achievement. And even though the temperature hadn’t risen from last night, it felt rather warmer. But what I’m going to do is take the gas heater up to the bedroom. I’ve one of these portable calor-gas heaters and it’s not doing anything, so I reckon that half an hour before I go to bed and half an hour before I wake up with one bar of the fire will work wonders in there, even in the middle of winter.

While I was sorting out my breakfast, it suddenly occurred to me that last night I’d gone to bed without taking the stats, and that might well be the first time that I’ve ever done that. Ahh well – no matter.

I spent some time on the internet and then went off to do the shopping. And I’m convinced, as I’ve said before, that Rosemary has a secret camera focused on my house because I hadn’t been back 5 minutes (and the water for the coffee hadn’t even boiled) before she called me up.

Apparently her mobility is worsening and she needs a hand to move some stuff around, so in exchange for some home-made vegetable soup and bread, I’ll go round and help out – and we can catch up with the latest news.

And so FC Pionsat St Hilaire’s 1st XI was relegated to Division II at the end of last season. It’s hard to believe that just three or four seasons ago they were challenging for promotion but I’ve mentioned so oftenall of the problems that have been happening off the pitch that you are probably sick to death of them right now.

Tonight they were playing the team from the Portuguese Social Club in Clermont and so I went down to see how they were doing. They’ve managed to retain most of the 1st XI from last year and made one or two additions who looked quite useful. And they looked a lot meaner and more aggressive too.

The Portuguese defence was dreadful – even worse than Pionsat’s legendary Easter island statue defence and how Pionsat only managed to score three (from three dreadful defensive errors and mix-ups) is totally beyond me. Pionsat just failed to put the defence under enough pressure despite all of the ball that they had.

And conceding two as well against this attack. The first one was from a direct free kick that curled nicely around the blind side of the wall, and the second was from the usual Pionsat tactic of failing to clear the ball out of a tight spot in the defence and playing it right into danger instead. If I had an Euro for each time that I’ve said that the ball ought to be kicked into the cemetery, the school playground, the abandoned railway line or the garden of the Queue de Milan, I’d be dictating this rubbish to a bunch of floozies sitting on my knee somewhere on a beach in the Bahamas. And still they don’t listen.

They threw away dozens of points like this over the last couple of seasons – this is what cost them promotion all those years ago, and this has what has caused them to be relegated last season. They ought to bounce straight back, but they have already been on the end of a heavy defeat and they are going to have to work much harder than this to fulfil their potential. There are some good players there at this level. The Portuguese are bottom of the league, and quite rightly so, but Pionsat made such heavy weather of this victory.

Friday 16th October 2015 – I WENT TO BED …

… at 22:00 last night. And so I didn’t wake up until 12:00 midday today. And I would probably have still been in bed even now had I remembered to switch off the Canadian telephone last night so the alarm wouldn’t go off at 06:00 Quebec time (12:00 French time).

By the time I’d finished having a shower and a shave and a good soak, Liz was back from work and so I had breakfast followed by a bowl of Liz’s vegan soup, and then Terry brought me home.

The jungle has taken over as you might expect, and so finding the house was an adventure. But that wasn’t really what annoyed me.

You remember that just before I went away to Canada I had that pile of scrap on my yard that needed the head gasket changed. It leaked oil all over the concrete pan that we did last summer, and I had asked the owner of that Hyundai to come along and clean it off while I was away.

Of course, it goes without saying that the amount of time that I had spent oh his car, and how much I had put myself out for him with what I did, he couldn’t be bothered to come along and clean it off. And now my concrete is thoroughly ruined.

I’ll tell you something – and that is the that this is the last time that I am EVER going to put myself out for anyone. No-one else’s car is going to come onto my concrete and if anyone else wants any work doing on a car then they can whistle.

Just one exception for this of course. Liz and Terry have done me a great service in all the years that they’ve been living here and their vehicles are more-than-welcome to come here. And that reminds me – I need to buy an engine crane. I’ve promised myself that for years and I’ve a feeling that one is going to become necessary around here in the immediate future.

The house is freezing. It’s 9°C in the bedroom and just 11.3°C in the attic. And a mouse has managed to enter the attic and so it (the attic, not the mouse) needs a good cleaning and disinfecting. That has really dismayed me.

But the positive side of all of this is that, in contrast to last year, the batteries are fully charged and the fridge, that I had plugged into the overcharge circuit, was running quite nicely. All of this despite the miserable weather that we were having. But I dunno what has gone on here while I was away but something is lurking about in the fridge so I need to clean that. It looks like Quatermass’s Experiment in there.

So I cleaned off the attic a little and sat up here freezing, resisting the temptation to light the fire. Eventually, after chatting to someone on the laptop for ages, I decided to go to bed. Freezing in the bedroom of course, and so decided to slip into bed and undress under the covers as I warmed up.

Despite the cold, it was lovely to be back in my own comfortable bed and I wasn’t awake long enough to undress. I just went right out and that was that.

Thursday 15th October 2015 – NOT A SINGLE PHOTO …

… for the return journey today, and I’ll tell you why in a moment.

But I left you last night with me dozing off in the middle of a film. And I awoke to find that not only were we starting our descent to Frankfurt Airport, I’d actually missed my breakfast seeing as how I’d been asleep. And that’s not something that happens every day – missing out on a free meal. Mind you, I made sure that they knew that I was awake and so they quickly brought me my breakfast and coffee before we landed.

And I’m not quite sure if we landed or if we were shot down over the airport. It was a really rough arrival and when I looked out of the window I could see why. It was blowing a howling gale and teeming down with rain.

I had to travel right across to the other side of the airport for my connecting flight to Lyon. That took a good few minutes and a tram ride, I can tell you, as well as another passage through “security”. And I’ll tell you this – if the passage through “security” at Frankfurt could be completed in the same friendly, relaxed and informal manner in every airport throughout the world, then flying would be a pleasure. I spent more time discussing cameras with the guy at the gate than I did discussing security issues.

Our plane was parked up on the concrete pan right back across to where I had originally arrived, and so we were bussed right back over there. And as we turned around a corner of the building, a huge Airbus 380 took off right alongside us. It was absolutely immense and dwarfed the A340 upon which I’d arrived and which we drove past a minute or so later.

There was no chance of my taking a photo of my aeroplane in this wind and rain. I was drenched just crossing the pan from the bus to the ‘plane and it was freezing too – much colder than it was in Montreal and that’s a change. Anyway, it was a Boeing 737-300 that we had and it’s been years since I’ve flown on one of those.

And here’s a thing. Why is it that when the chief steward of the plane announces on the PA system announces that “you should not be sitting next to an emergency door if you are unable to open it”, they become quite upset and all peevish when you try to open it just to make sure?

And there was no snack for me on this plane either. But the stewardess found me a banana, which was very nice of her and I much appreciated it.

At Lyon, the wind and rain continued and it was even colder than at Frankfurt. We had a little drama on the tram at the airport as a foreign lady had boarded without having a valid ticket. She was waving around the receipt, claiming that that was all that she had received. However, when I had bought mine, two tickets had fallen out of the machine. I’d taken both with me onto the tram intending to give the spare one to the conductor, but here was the reason right before me.

At Lyon Part-Dieu, there was no train for 2 hours and so, now that there’s free public access internet at the station, thanks to the SNCF, I caught up with some stuff on the laptop and then went to the Subway around the corner for lunch. Handy places, these Subways, even though the price in Europe is twice what it is in Canada which is totally ironic seeing that food is twice as dear in North America as it is in Europe.

I had a good deal on the train – €33 and a bit – for my journey to Montlucon. And I had to run between trains at Riom as ours was 5 minutes late arriving from Lyon, so no time to photograph either train (no chance of doing the Lyon one at Lyon with the rain) and I arrived at Montlucon bang on time, with Liz waiting in the booking hall to take me home.

But I didn’t go home. Instead, she took me home for a nice meal and shower, and a nice warm bed. 2°C it was as we passed over the Font Nanaud and I can see me lighting the fire as soon as I return home. Have I ever lit a fire so early in all the time that I’ve been living here?

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Wednesday 14th October 2015 – SO HERE I AM THEN …

… in the coach station at Montreal, having alighted from my bus.

We reached Riviere du Loup in the small hours and had just a half-hour wait until the bus from the Gaspé arrived. But waiting isn’t so bad. It’s in the back room of a big Irvings petrol station and so it’s warm, there are seats, there are toilets and there are food and coffee available for anyone who feels the need. It’s not unpleasant at all.

The bus was quite full but the seats are quite comfortable so it wasn’t too much of an issue, and I missed most of the journey because I’d dozed off before we’d even left the premises.

I was awake though for when we stopped at Ste-Foy on the outskirts of Quebec, and I woke up again for when we stopped at Longueuil. And wide-awake for when we pulled into the coach station. 20 minutes late, it has to be said, but that’s more to do with the amount of traffic on the road at that time of morning.

The 747 bus for the airport leaves from right down at the far end of the coach station and opposite the booking desks there’s an STM (Société des Transports de Montreal or whatever) where you buy your bus tickets. As the airport is outside the limits of the Montreal urban area, you need to buy a $10:00 day ticket (or an $18:00 3-day ticket) to travel on the bus to the airport.

No point in going to the airport yet though, because I’m hours too early. But round the corner from the bus stand is a café that does a very democratic breakfast and coffee, with free wi-fi and power connections available, and so I dug myself in there for a while.

The bus ride was totally painless. 30 minutes is the advertised time but I had no idea of how long it took because I had a comfortable seat and I was reading a book. It seemed like just a couple of minutes and I was taken by surprise when we arrived.

Upstairs to the baggage check-in and I deposited my baggage. And wimp that I am, my luggage weighed just 20.3 kg, hand luggage included. That’s astonishing because I’m always usually pushing it to the max when I come back.

Downstairs again now. First call was to the Immigration Service to enquire about the procedure for obtaining this mythical form IMM 1442 next time that I come back. Apparently, when I present myself to the immigration desk, I mustn’t let him stamp my passport. I have to be sent to the offices behind the check-in desk and ask there for the form. I’ll probably be interviewed and I have to explain things to them and I should be given the form that I need. The girl that I spoke to didn’t see it as being anything more complicated than that.

Second port of call was to the Subway. There’s one of them in the airport and it’s the cheapest, quickest place to buy lunch. And I’ve learnt now that, in order to avoid any confusion, I order a végétarien sans fromage and that is simply that. No confusion at all.

It’s a very good job I came back early from my lunch because you can see more of the pantomime that is now taking place at the airport.

You’ll recall the 2.5-hour wait that we had to enter the country, and now we have a 40-minute wait to pass the “security” gates. On interviewing one of the people who was “controlling” the queue, we asked what would happen if the delay here meant that you were late for your flight. She just shrugged her shoulders.

Strangely enough, there was only an American woman and me who thought that this was objectionable. The other 800 or so people in the queue simply accepted it. I can’t believe just how docile and cowed the Westerners have become over these last 10 or 12 years since the Government started grinding their faces in the dirt. 800 people in uproar over this would change things in minutes but Western people these days have lost their sense of fighting spirit.

I spent most of my time in the queue chatting to a pleasant girl from Manitoba, and then we hit the “security” gates.

Pig-ignorant security guards barking out commands without a single “please” and that annoyed me intensely. I had another stand-off with another one of these very sad people and in the end I got her to say “please” when she asked me to take off my boots. I can’t believe that in modern-day Montreal it’s necessary to go to war to obtain a bit of basic and elementary human decency and politeness.

The plane was late, as you might expect, but it was well-worth waiting for. An almost-new, magnificent Airbus A340-300. Packed out to the gunwhales it was too, with just two free seats – one of which was next to me and so I was able to spread myself out.

The food, as you might expect with Lufthansa, was excellent indeed and the cabin staff was very helpful. Not much on the entertainment system, though, but I was able to see a couple of old Bundeslegia matches – Borussia Dortmund v Schalke 04 and then Bayern Munich v Borussia Dortmund, and then I dozed off while watching the new Asterix the Gaul film.

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EPIC HALL

The Poisoned Pen (or Poisoned Chalice, more like) – or my relentless struggle against reality