Category Archives: Les Guis

Wednesday 29th July 2009 – NO PHOTOS TODAY, PEOPLE.

And it’s hardly surprising. Terry was round early and we got on the roof and carried on slating. This required some intricate work around the roof windows and I surprised myself by being prepared for such an eventuality with some stainless steel screws and silicone-backed washers.

After lunch we were back up there to carry on but by now it was 35 degrees and everything on the roof was so hot that it was agonising to pick anything up. No use in working so at 14:30 we called it a day.

Terry went home to his good lady and I took a book and a drink into the comfort and safety of the water room. Once the sun moved from out of direct line with the roof I got back up on the scaffolding and painted the underneath of the eaves with xylophrene, a product that protects wood against dry rot, wet rot and nasty little pests (that’ll stop members of OUSA’s Executive Committee visiting me) and then with some of the brown wood preservative.

During all of this I had a visit from Tijas and his mum and so a guided tour was organised.

After all of that I was exhausted and it took me all of my best efforts to cook some food. I’m going to have to find myself a willing assistant for that kind of thing.

In other news, you simply cannot believe how craven the UK has become. Refusing to disclose the torture undergone by a British subject by the Americans in Cuba, on the grounds that the USA won’t share any more secrets with the Brits. Terry and I had a chat the other day about how pathetic the UK is becoming. Most Brits believe that it is still a significant world power yet as these events go to show, the UK is nothing more than an insignificant offshore island and a mere puppet of Great Satan. HIgh time all of the Brits grew up and had a good look around them. But with 24-hour drinking and 500 channels on the TV all showing “Corrie” and Big Bother, it just goes to prove that 99% of the population of the UK is totally brain-dead.

The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire was all about bread and circuses, and I don’t see much difference.

-4

Tuesday 28th July 2009 – AT FIRST GLANCE ….

… this photo doesn’t look any different from that of yesterday. However, if you look closely you can see that we have put some slates on the roof.

10 rows in fact.

As soon as Terry came round we cracked on with it but as the day wore on we came across a problem of a different and most unexpected kind.

It was a blinding hot summer’s day and the heat was intense. And here we were, handling black slates made from recycled plastic whilst leaning on a black rubberised sheet of damp-proof membrane. By early afternoon Terry had resorted to gloves to handle the slates and I, leaning on top of the damp-proof membrane, had resorted to building a ladder-bridge to keep my body off the roasting surface. You can see the ladder on the left of the roof.

Clearly we couldn’t continue like that and by 16:00 we were obliged to call it a day.Terry plans to be round earlier tomorrow and we can bash on with the slating before it gets too hot and hopefully we can fit the base of the framework for the solar panels. It will be nice to have electricity in here again. But first I have to invent some kind of gauge to measure angles from the horizontal.

After Terry left I had resolved to paint the underside of the plywood but as it was so hot and promises to be so tomorrow I did a load of washing instead. And with constant interruptions for an endless series of phone calls and visits from Claude and Tijas I didn’t manage to get anything else done.

It just leaves me more to do tomorrow, I suppose.

-3

Monday 27th July 2009 – WE’RE CRACKING ON WITH THIS ROOF!

If you look very closely you will see that we’ve put on all of the plywood, the damp-proof membrane and we’ve fitted the windows in the roof.

Terry came round for 09:00 and we cracked straight on with it. A brief pause for lunch after we’d done the plywood, which was awkward getting around the chimney and it’s a good job I can wield a hammer with my left hand as well as I can with my right … "that’s not difficult" – ed …

Putting the membrane on was easier than I would have thought, and the windows were comparatively straightforward.

It was grey and overcast for all of the day so I remember telling Terry “as soon as we’ve put this last screw in the final window I reckon it’s going to p155 down”.

I was wrong. We had to wait about 20 seconds for the downpour. And quite pleasant it was too, watching the rain stream off the membrane and off the windows. But it was clear that there would be no more work done outside today so even though it was only about 15:30 (I told you we’d worked hard) Terry went home.

I had a coffee and then swept up inside the house and piled all the broken slates onto a tarpaulin. You might womder why I’m keeping them, but in fact I’m moving my vegetable plots this winter and there will be some permanent pathways. Slugs don’t like sliding on slate, so I’m told, and seeing as they are decimating my crops right now, I’m going to have to do something to stop them next year. So slate it is.

All we have to do now is
1) slate the front of the house
2 fit the brackets for the solar panels and mount them (that will be exciting – I should sell tickets for that) and wire them up
3) bend the ridge tiles to shape and fit them
4)move part of the scaffolding round to the side to extend that which is already there.
5) bend the edging tiles to shape and fit them
6) fix the wind turbine to the wall and wire it in
7) remove the tiles from the lean-to where I live, put the scaffolding on the flat roof underneath there and then bend the edging tiles to shape and fit them
8) dismantle the scaffolding.
9 replace all of the wood and the tiles on the lean-to.

When that’s done we can start on the barn.

In other news, the annual game of “10 Green Bottles” is now under way as a member of the Open University Students Association Executive Committee hands in his hat.
“Ill-health”, we are told.
“That’s right” he replied. “I’m sick of the b*gg*rs”

We are going to start a sweepstake for the name of the next EC member to depart.

-4

Sunday 26th July 2009 – TOMORROW THE WORLD!

I went into the greenhouse this evening to water the plants and this was what met me. Not a triffyd but a courgette plant making a desperate bid for freedom. It’s taken over all of the greenhouse and it’s heading for the door. This time next week it will have engulfed Claude’s house and by the end of the season it will have made it to Montlucon, judging by its present rate of growth.

My day of idleness got off to a good start at 07:45 when the alarm went off. I forgot to turn it off last night. Ahh well.

But I didn’t get up straight away and when I did come to my senses (not that this happens very often) I stayed in bed to do a lot of planning. It was 11:00 when I finally crawled out into daylight.

And as for my day of idleness, I spent it in a marathon tidying-up session. You can now walk round the garage where the Ebro is, the water room and the barn/workshop. I shifted tons of stuff and sorted out a whole lot more.

We’ll be able to find many more things this week when our adventures on the roof restart tomorrow morning.

-3

Saturday 25th JULY 2009 – I WAS GOING TO SHOW YOU ALL ….

… a photo of the front of the house with the insulation on, but we didn’t have time to take a photo of it.

I was up early this morning and while waiting for Terry I did some tidying up in the barn. I have to record this as me tidying up in the barn is a pretty rare event,

First thing that Terry and I did after he arrived was to thread 4 strands of 6mm cable through a 25mm flexible conduit (for the two solar arrays that will be on the roof) and 2 strands of 6mm cable through some 25mm flexible conduit for the wind turbine that will be on the apex of the roof. Then we cut a channel through the wall, fastened the conduit in and cemented it down. So that’s the wiring organised.

Dave turned up some time through the performance and if two pairs of hands are a vast improvement on one, then three pairs of hands are an even greater improvement. We had the insulation on in no time and without stopping fastened down the battening and had half the plywood on by 17:00. That was some impressive work and we can be proud of what we accomplished today.

Tomorrow Terry is having a day off and taking Liz to the chainsaw-carving. We have to keep Liz happy as our supplies of food depend upon it and the food is too good to miss out on. I’m going to have one of those rare days where I’m going to sit around the house and do absolutely nothing at all. I think I’ve earned it.

-5

Friday 24th July 2009 – WE WERE LUCKY WITH THE WEATHER TODAY

Mostly cool and overcast, with just the occasional passing shower. A good day for working on the roof and so with no misadventures and without any excitement we finished the slating of the back of the roof.

By 16:00 it was all done and as it wasn’t worth starting anything fresh we called it a night.

We had plenty of visitors though. Liz passed by to check up on us, followed by Claude and then by Dave (or Mr Blobby as those of you who followed this blog over from its previous home will remember) who drove over from La Chatre to check up on us, and finally by Tijas.

Despite my reference earlier to “a passing shower”, no-one from the Open University Students Association Executive Committee came here.

Dave acompanied us, not to the police station but to Terry and Liz’s where he was introduced to Liz’s cooking and was then given a guided tour over the Viaduc des Fades.

I’m back at home for now as I have so much to do and in any case Terry and Liz deserve some peace and quiet.

Tomorrow we are starting on the front of the roof. This will be easier to do but we have to fit the two windows and the brackets for the solar panels so I doubt if it will be quicker.

-5

Thursday 23rd July 2009 – THERE’S NO PICTURE TODAY, FOLKS.

We woke up at about 08.30 today to torrential (and I DO mean torrential) rain and thunderstorms. You should have seen the water cascading down the road – it was impressive.

well, not so impressive for working on a roof so we had something of a leisurely morning.

And just as we were settling down for the day the weather dramatically cleared so we went chaud-pied round to my place and the roof.

Chez moi, the weather wasn’t so nice – grey and windy. But that’s the beauty of living round here. The Combrailles is the junction of three different climatic zones (the Mediterranean, The Atlantic and the Continental European). Followers of my outpourings in all its previous guises will recall my discussions about the constantly-changing (and sometimes dramatically so) weather as the fronts collide above my head.

Added to that, the area is an old rocky plateau that is riven by deep valleys and gorges so that each valley has its own little micro-climate and that can often be confusing.

But anyway ….. we trimmed the plywood on the roof and then put on the covering sheet of damp-proof membrane. And that was no fun either, fitting a 10-metre square sheet on a roof in a howling gale.

After lunch I dangled over the roof fitting the tiles with the aid of Terry’s home-made tile hod. I built up the right-hand corner all the way to the top (this is the bit that takes the time – the rest is just quick nailing-on) but then we were driven off the roof and into Caliburn by a torrential downpour (hence the lack of photos).

Back here, it was bright sunshine and totally dry, which just proves my point about the different climates.

We had another marvellous lunch though thanks to Liz. And in the middle Terry announced
“Forget eBay – forget the lottery. If I could clone Liz I would be a millionaire”
“Yes, I would have a Liz clone” I offered
“Forget it, Eric. You’d be trampled to death in the stampede”

-4

Wednesday 22nd July 2009 – DESPITE THE RAGING HEAT THIS MORNING …

… we’ve covered all of the back of the roof now.

All of the insulation is on and you can see that the waterproof plywood is on there covering it up. Most of the waterproof membrane is on too, and half of the slating is done.

It was hard work mauling everything over the top of the roof and with the weather the way it was, it called for frequent pauses that at one stage had us both dozing off.

Terry, having worked on the insulation which reflected brightly with the sun, developed a bit of a headache and asked if I could produce any tablets. Nothing like that round at my place so I wandered off to the Dutch neighbours’

Not a big choice in the medicine cupboard but some unidentified pills looked hopeful.
“They look like Tera’s “Morning After” pills” suggested Tijas, casting aspertions on his sister’s character.
“Actually, I think they might be stuff that Tera keeps for her horses”added Guus.
“Take them anyway” suggested Lieneke. “They might work”

But judging by the way that Terry was running up and down the ladder and swinging from the rafters in the afternoon, I’m sorely tempted to go round tomorrow to see if Guus and Lieneke have any more.

-4

Tuesday 21st July 2009 – WE’VE DONE OVER HALF …

… of the back of the roof now.

Yesterday we put on another row of insulation plywood and damp-proof membrane and then went off to Brico Depot to spend another 400 Euros. This roof is becoming expensive 🙁

We did it that way round because the weather forecast predicted a boiling hot day so we did the heavy work in the morning. Mind you it was still pretty uncomfortable in the heat that we had. And to show you just how concerned I am about my workforce I spent a whole 22 centimes on a bottle of water for Terry. copulatum expensium, as we Pompeiians say

And excitement at the Anglo-French conversation group where Antoine revealed that he had been approached by a Dutch TV company that wants to film one of our meetings. This should drag out of the woodwork a few of the star-struck lurkers of our group. But of course when you have talent like yours truly, dear reader, who needs a makeover?

Today we tiled over the plywood that we fitted yesterday and then started to fit another row. This time we are boarding vertically as we have reached the top row at the back. Tiling was much more easy with the safety harness that Terry persuaded me to buy. I felt like Peter Pan, swinging over the roof like that. But I couldn’t find Peter Pan anywhere so I gave up that idea. When Terry had a go in the safety harness, complete with the wet tea-towel on his head, I told him that he looked like Ena Sharples’ granma.
“Who’s helping you finish the roof?” was his response.

My retort was that I dunno why he was complaining. In Soho and places like that people pay good money to be swung from a safety harness from the roof of a building (not that I have any first-hand experience of that sort of thing of course) and if he wasn’t careful I’ll knock the money’s worth off his bill.

Now we are having torrential rain, thunder and lightning. I hope it clears for tomorrow.

-4

Sunday 19th July 2009 – WE STARTED PUTTING …

… the tiles back on the roof today as you can see in the pic, if it ever decides to load itself.

What you will also see is an overhanging ladder. The ground at the back of the house doesn’t belong to me so we can’t put a scaffolding up. This meant that yours truly had to sit perched on the bottom of that ladder hanging over a bottomless void while he built up the bottom few rows of the tiling.

Those of you who know me will know that I have a thing about ladders and heights, and so a photo of me on the end would have been priceless, But Terry, who was up on the roof, had his eyes closed while I was doing it.

And so did I.

How we are doing the roof is that we are putting the insulation on – this space-blanket stuff that’s hellishly expensive but brilliant, and then putting counter battens on top of the insulation. The third layer is some waterproof plywood, with the counter-battens making the air gap that the insulation needs, and then a damp-proof membrane and then finally the recycled plastic tiles.

As Terry was leaving he told me to put on the rest of the tiles for the first row of plywood, and make sure I do them straight. Well, I did my best, but in years to come people will be coming up here, looking at the tiles and going “I wish I had a pint of whatever it was that he was on when he was putting all those tiles on”

-3

Saturday 18th July 2009 – TERRY AND LIZ HAVE THIS WHACKING GREAT BARN …

… and it’s home to a couple of owls. Whenever you open the barn door first thing in the morning they fly out of the air vent. And after a couple of days trying, I finally managed to snap one as it fled.

You’ve no idea just how impressive it is to see them take to the air.

Terry came up in his own car this morning as he wanted to leave at lunchtime. Unfortunately the days when you were allowed to chain your workforce to the workplace are long gone and so I had little say in the matter.

Whatever happened to the days when employees were happy to work 24 hours per day seven days per week with just a crust of bread to keep them going? A sign of the times, I’m afraid.

But we managed to do all of the concreting and cementing none the less and that was a good sign.

An even better sign was that the batteries and the rainwater held out. We used 5 bags of cement, about 120 litres of gravel and about half the sand, which shows you how much we saved by mixing the concrete ourselves, and we even repaired the chimney.

After Terry went I had a pause for a couple of hours and then painted all of the old woodwork on the roof and then started to tidy up the barn.

I’m feeling a bit homesick so I’m staying here tonight even though I don’t have any electricity to speak of as we took down the wind turbine and the solar panels on the house and I forgot about that. I’d better hurry up and finish my posting before the battery on my laptop goes flat and I run out of

-2

Friday 17th July 2009 – THERE WAS THIS REALLY IMPRESSIVE VIEW …

… of the Puy de Dome as a low cloud sailed quietly past. The Puy is actually 1465 metres so that gives you an indication of how low the cloud was, which also gives you an indication of the weather today.

We woke up at about 07:30 but the weather was far too bad to go out and go a-roofing. By 10:00 it had stopped raining so we set off to Pontaumur to buy the concrete. But despite taking our money they had no concrete in stock so I renegotiated the deal for some money back and 10 sacks of cement.

Terry and I then dragged the old Sankey trailer out from underneath the undergrowth and set off to the nearby quarry for half a ton of sand. The sand cost us 18 Euros and luckily there was about half a ton of gravel still in the trailer from a project from 2003 when I was taken ill and so for a sum much less than the 14 bags of concrete we have enough cement, sand and gravel for about 5 times as much. And it won’t be wasted either.

But that was as far as we got, for the driving rain came back. With the wet, the slippery conditions and the possibility of lightning we decided to call it a day and have the afternoon off. A sensible precaution, methinks.

The weather forecast this weekend is for “better weather”. It would have to be, as it couldn’t get very much worse.

-4

Thursday 16th July 2009 – I TELL YOU WHAT ….

…. I’m ever so impressed with my electrical set-up.

We had four bags of concrete mix today and a 375-watt cement mixer. And it mixed all of the concrete using the power off the batteries in the barn. Admittedly there was bright sunlight pushing up the amps but nevertheless it was impressive. Just as impressive was that all of the concrete was mixed using rainwater out of the water butts.

But it was hard work today. The heat was unbearable. The morning was bad enough as Terry was painting and I was shuttering in between the rafters and infilling with stones. In the afternoon it was even worse, and I was climbing up the ladders to the top of the scaffolding carrying bricks, stones, buckets of concrete and the like. It’s just as well that we ran out of concrete (we’re going shopping tomorrow for more) because we couldn’t carry on like that in that heat.

I also dropped off Caliburn’s temporary registration at the bank so they can change the insurance over, and the postie came, bringing Caliburn’s permanent log book. She said that there would be a very violent storm at 19:00 tonight so I told her that when she’s finished her round she can get up on the roof with us and help us do the slating.

She never turned up though, and she was wrong about the storm. At about 21:00 the clouds closed in and we had some rain and there was thunder rumbling away in the distance. Right now, it’s P155ing down outside but nothing like what she promised us. We’ll have to see what tomorrow brings.

-2

Wednesday 15th July 2009 – NOW THAT I HAVE THIS IMAGE THING SUSSED …

… and I’ve also sussed out how to use my laptop on Terry and Liz’s internet connection, I can post some work-in-progress photos of the roof.

We fixed the remaining rafters to the front of the house, dismantled the rafters at the rear, cut the new ones to size, fitted them, sprayed them in wood preservative and then began to paint them in the brown stuff that I like that comes from LIDL (although that was after I took the pic). We also dismantled one of the new windows to see how it fitted in.

That sounds like quite a lot and indeed it was. We were totally exhausted by 17.15 and it was a good job that Liz summoned us back to the house as we were having visitors.

In fact the phone rang twice, which is no joke when you are 8 metres up in the air on a scaffolding. If it keeps on ringing like this, badger the ladder – I’m going for a batpole. When I worked as a chauffeur for a diplomat, our garage was about 4 floors underneath our office and I did suggest that in our next budget we made provision for a batpole. No wonder they kicked me out.

Tomorrow we are finishing off the painting and then concreting the rafters in. When that sets we can start fitting the insulation.

-3

Tuesday 14th July 2009 – I HAD AN EARLY NIGHT LAST NIGHT

Yes, after the bedtime story (I can get quite used to staying at Liz and Terry’s), which was “The Chronologically-Challenged Duck That Was Admired More For Its Personal Qualities Than Its Physical Attributes”, I dozed off to sleep.

But not for long.

At 01:30 we were treated to the kind of spectacular storm that you only ever see once in a lifetime. Thunder and lightning continually until about 05:00. Impressive was not the word!

Terry stuck his head outside at 07:30 and it came back in wet so it wasn’t until about 08.30 until I got my coffee in bed (I can get quite used to …… “you’ve said that once” – ed) and once the rain quietened down at about 11:00 we set off to continue our attack on my roof. We had all of the chevrons on the front off (and half the front wall as well – this is going to be a longer job than I anticipated – we are even going to have to demolish the chimney and start again) and put half of the new ones on before the rain drove us off the roof again.

Terry came home and I stayed on to do some domestic chores but in actual fact I fell asleep.

It’s still thundering now so I dunno what’s going to happen in the morning. It was odds-on that the weather would change the moment I stripped the tiles off my roof.

-3

EPIC HALL

The Poisoned Pen (or Poisoned Chalice, more like) – or my relentless struggle against reality