Monday 3rd April 2017 – AND I SHAN’T …

… sleep tonight either.

Last night was yet another miserable night, and I simply don’t understand it. It’s a comfortable bed, it’s reasonably quiet here for a city centre, there’s double-glazing and all of that, but I can’t understand why I just can’t go to sleep. I’m doing something wrong, that’s for sure, and I wish that I knew just what it was.

But anyway, I had a rather … errr … late breakfast (I’d heard the alarms but I didn’t actually arise) and then cracked on with some work – searching through a pile of adverts to extract some names of estate agents and the like who might have properties to let.

And there was only one, and that wasn’t much use, except that I did learn something. And this means that I am going to have to be a little economical with the truth and come up with one or two alternative facts about my position here in Granville. Still, if it’s good enough for British and American senior civil servants, it will be good enough for me.

I walked up the hill to the last of the estate agents, but they couldn’t help with anything. But she did suggest a caravan at a holiday camp until the season dies down. And I’ve been thinking about this, and even know where I can find a caravan too. If all else fails, that’s a fall-back.

Across the road is the railway station, and seeing as they were having their Senior Citizens Railcards on special offer at €60:00, I went over and bought one. It gives me a substantial reduction on my rail fares and if I’m going to Leuven every few weeks, it will more than pay for itself. The last trip home showed that I can’t rely on my own steam to drive distances like that these days reliably.

There are regular trains to Paris Vaugirard and the journey takes just over 3 hours, and trains also to several places in the vicinity.

When Terry had taken me home last night we’d driven past a few estate agents in Donville-les-Bains and it’s only a couple of kilometres walk from the station, so seeing that it was a nice day, I went for a walk.

One was closed and the second had nothing that its main office in Granville didn’t have, but it gave me an opportunity to look around the town. It’s a nice place and the views from upon the cliffs are stunning. I shall have to make further enquiries.

I walked all the way back to my little holiday studio and picked up my olive bread, some water, some fruit and a book, and then went off to the promenade to have lunch. It was beautiful sitting out there in the sun, but round about 14:00 I reckoned that I’d go inside my studio for a sit down for half an hour.

Next thing that I remembered was that it was 17:20. I’d been asleep for well over three hours. This isn’t any good, because I won’t ever sleep at night if I keep on going like this. But I needed some spuds so I nipped to the little Carrefour down the road.

Tea was potatoes, green beans, peas and carrots with the left-over vegan burgers from mast night, followed by carrot cake and soya cream ditto.

And chatting to Liz on the internet, she suggested that I go for another walk down to the beach near the Casino to photograph the sunset.

And with it being a really beautiful night, I decided to do just that. I hurried up and finished the washing up, and then hit the streets just as the sun was starting to set. I needed to get a move on before it was too late. The sunset won’t wai for me.

I wasn’t alone out there either. There were quite a few people loitering around on the promenade, including a group of break-dancers having some fun.

And not only that, I was engaged in conversation with a woman whose husband was also taking photos of the sunset. It transpired that they were here on holiday and come from Oostende in Belgium. As a result, our conversation continued in Flemish.

That probably took them by surprise, but then again, I need to keep it up, otherwise I’ll forget and that will be a waste of a year won’t it?

The tide was out (it had been right in at lunchtime) and so I was able to go for a perambulation on the beach. That was a nice way to end the day too. After all, it’s why I’ve come to (hopefully) live by the seaside, if ever I can find a place to live.

And as it finally went dark, I walked down to the end of the promenade at the back of the Casino to take a photograph of the dying embers of the sun as it sank down over the horizon.

I wasn’t alone here either – there were all kinds of people out here enjoying the setting sun. And quite right too because it really was beautiful. It had been a gorgeous day for most people who have somewhere to live, but I’m yet to have that luxury.

I walked back along the rue Paul Poirier to my little holiday studio, which is just down there on the corner.

All of the washing up is done and I’ve had a wash. Nothing remains now except to make up my bed and go to sleep. Not that I’ll be doing too much of that after my mega-doze this afternoon.

But we’ll have a go and see where we end up. At least I’m by the seaside and that’s where I want to be. Tomorrow is another day and it looks as if I shall be having to cast my net a little further.

But I’ll find somewhere – I’m sure that I will. It’s just a question of time.

Sunday 2nd April 2017 – I HAD A NICE …

… walk this afternoon.

Much better than my sleep (or lack thereof) during the night because that wasn’t so good. I’ve no idea why because the bed is quite comfortable and it’s not particularly noisy outside, but nevertheless I couldn’t go to sleep. And when I did, I kept on waking up.

Mind you, with no alarm going off (well, it IS Sunday) it was about 09:15 when I hauled myself out of bed and first thing that I did was to go for a shower.

After breakfast, I hung around for a while and then went down to the end of the road to meet Liz. She took me back to see the house that they have bought about 30 kilometres or so from here in Roncey. It needs a lot of work, like most places do, but it’s down the bottom of a long private drive on a hilltop overlooking a picturesque valley and facing full south. It really is marvellous and has bags of potential.

We had home-made soup and then went off to the seaside at Coutainville. This is one of Liz’s favourite places and I can see why she likes it. We had a look there to see if there was any apartment to let but nothing struck me.

Nevertheless, a nice long walk on the promenade in the beautiful afternoon sun was just what the doctor ordered.

Liz had made vegan burgers and carrot-cake for tea tonight. It was nice to get back into my old habits. Especially as a doggy-bag was made up for me to keep me going for the next day or so – about which I shall have no complaints whatever. And Terry drove me back here afterwards as I was feeling quite exhausted.

It’s nice to see good friends, that’s for sure, and Liz and Terry are among the best. As I have said before, I don’t have many friends but quantity has never been a substitute for quality, and what friends I do have are the best in the world.

Now I’m going to have an early night and hope that I can sleep better than last night.

Saturday 1st April 2017 – CALL THAT A …

… Division d’Honneur match?

I’ve seen more exciting and more competent teams playing down in Division 2 of the Puy-de-Dôme League than what was served up here at Granville tonight.

La Patriote ST Jamaise were pretty miserable – another team that spent far too long hanging on to the ball instead of playing it out wide or over the top. But as for US Granville, they have to be one of the worst teams that I have seen. Far and away the worst at this level.

They had a red-headed guy playing right-back who was thoroughly, totally and completely useless. He was substituted after 30 minutes and judging by his contributions up to that point, he was on the pitch for 30 minutes too long.

But the centre-forward – a big bulky 20-stone guy that would make Akinfenwa look like a lightweight – I’ve never seen anything like it. He was easily the worst player that I’ve seen on a pitch in a competitive match. He didn’t run after the ball – just a leisurely saunter around when he could be bothered to move – and never looked as if he was going to do anything at all. US Granville could have played without him and no-one would have noticed the difference. Xavier, who used to play up front for Pionsat’s 3rd XI will be the first to admit that he was playing up front to enjoy himself rather than in respect of demonstrating any skill, but I would have had him on the field leading the attack any day of the week rather than this guy.

It goes without saying that, being the worst team that I have ever seen, Granville were 2-1 up at half-time. Two free kicks, two shots at goal, 2 goals. But honours were restored in the second half as La Patriote ST Jamaise scored two more goals – one from a dreadful defensive howler where they all stood around waiting for the keeper to come halfway up field to head a ball away. I hardly need to mention that he headed it just as far as a La Patriote ST Jamaise attacker who calmly lobbed it over his head into the net. And the winning goal was … well … I estimated about three yards offside from my perfect position in line with play.

But US Granville can’t complain. They were dreadful.

I’d had a much better sleep today and a steadier start to the day. With a few things to do (loads of files to update) and then I went for a walk around the market. Nothing of interest unfortunately, and the prices are, well, not what I’m accustomed to paying.

But going for a walk to buy bread, I found a notaire with a few letting properties in the window. One looks quite suitable so I have an appointment to see that on Wednesday.

This afternoon I was chatting to a few people on the internet and then Caliburn and I went off to LeClerc for a look around. Strawberries at €0:90 for 500 grammes and cheap soya cream too – that will make for some exciting puddings for the next few days.

There’s an electromenager bit there too and prices seem to be reasonable. That’s one-up on Montlucon.

Afterwards, I headed for the footy and then came back here for tea.

It’s a late night but it’s Sunday tomorrow so no alarm. Let’s see how well I can sleep.

Friday 31st March 2017 – I HAD A NICE AFTERNOON …

… out this afternoon. Liz and Terry, who are in the area somewhere, came to visit me. The first time that I have seen Liz for over a year.

But last night was an awful night; For some totally unknown reason I just couldn’t go to sleep. I’ve no idea why – it wasn’t that the bed here is uncomfortable or that there was a lot of noise – it must be my guilty conscience I suppose.

And it was a struggle to leave the bed though for breakfast. Nevertheless, it’s nice to have really cold soya milk, really cold orange juice and really cold fruit puree. I felt so much better after that.

There were things that needed to be done around here now that I have a reliable internet connection – tons of stuff that I need to download – and then I had an appointment to see an apartment. And it was a nice place too and it’s currently at the top of my list. It has one bedroom, private parking, well within my budget and in a beautiful stone building from the 18th Century BUT it’s at the rear of the building and so doesn’t face the sea. Had it been at the front of the building I would have signed for it on the spot. But there you go.

After lunch I had a doze – and then Liz and Terry came round to awaken me from my reverie. We had a good chat, went for a coffee and then for a drive up and down the coast looking at neighbouring villages to see if there might be anything suitable there.

It’s a beautiful coast just here and with the sun shining out it was a delicious afternoon. St Pair-sur-Mer is particularly beautiful. But I ended up having a “wobble” and so we had to come home. I crashed out for an hour or so as soon as I returned.

I’ve had my tea now – more of last night’s effort “lengthened” by a tin of mushrooms. So I’m having a little relax before bedtime. I’ve had a busy day and with my bad night last night I feel that an early night is called for.

Thursday 30th March 2017 – I’M INSTALLED …

… in a little studio apartment right in the centre of town here in Granville. I went into the Tourist Information Office for a brochure, found a list of holiday flats, and there was one just over the road. Free parking just a few hundred metres up the street and so here I am.

Next task was to look for somewhere more permanent, so I went off hot-foot to a place that I had seen on the internet. Parking close by and a sea view.

But what a disappointment that was! I could smell the damp as soon as I walked into the place. Not only that, the floor creaked dangerously and had some cheap lino thrown down over it. A glance out of the window showed that the garden hadn’t been weeded or the lawn mowed for about a year. And if the landlord can’t cope with simple jobs like that, what hope do you have of him coping with anything important? I walked away.

Never mind though. There are plenty of estate agents in the town and I have already visited three or four. The remainder are for tomorrow I reckon and we’ll see what happens then.

As for the town itself, it’s been 20-odd years since I’ve been here and I don’t remember anything at all about it. Either it’s changed dramatically or I have. I know that we stayed here a couple of times but I really don’t remember where. I don’t recognise a thing.

But no matter. I cooked tea tonight in my little kitchen and shortly I’ll be going to sleep on my little bed-settee. I’ve had a hard day and I’ve already crashed out for half an hour or so this afternoon.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings me.

Wednesday 29th March 2017 – THE LADY WHO LIVES IN THE SAT-NAV …

… has her head screwed on properly, that’s for sure. Because she’s brought me to another place that was high on my list of places to visit. And so that’s another one crossed off my list.

But first of all, I had a reasonable sleep in a nice comfortable bed even though I was tossing and turning a little for some time during the night. And then after a leisurely breakfast and some work on the laptop, I hit the road.

First stop was for fuel. I found a place selling diesel at €1:17 a litre, which is the cheapest that I have been able to find for a while, and then back on the road I picked up the signs for “Fontevraud”

What’s at Fontevraud is the Abbaye Royale de Fontevraud, and this is quite an interesting building because the Abbey was heavily patronised by the Plantagenet Royal House of England. Aliénor (Eleanor) of Aquitaine, who was the wife firstly of the King of France and later of Henry II of England was a major benefactor of the Abbey.

In fact, she, her husband Henry II, their son the famous Richard the Lionheart, and Isabella, wife of King John, were buried here. While their tombs are still here though, their bodies are not. The Abbey was pillaged during the French Revolution and the remains were despoiled.

nevertheless, it led to a fine interchange with the guy at the cashier’s desk –
Our Hero – “with the Brexit, will the British be asking for the repatriation of the remains of King Henry and King Richard?”
Cashier – “anything still here is the property of the Abbey and nothing can be moved by anyone”
As Alfred Hitchcock once famously said to Kenneth Williams – “it’s a waste of time trying to tell jokes to foreigners”.

I took thousands of photographs, and when I have more time (because I’m rather busy right now) I’ll come back to edit this page and put them on line so you can see just how beautiful it is here.

And so in the beautiful hot sun, I hit the road and headed north to the Loire. And there, having crossed the river on a beautiful girder bridge, I found a place to settle down for an hour or so to eat my butty and contemplate the state of the nation.

Having gathered my wits, I headed off still northwards towards the coast. If I’m going to be anywhere, it’s going to be by the sea and near the beach. I know a little walled town on the coast with a beautiful beach and with an important ferry service out so some of the offshore islands. I mean – you know me. Whenever I see a ferry it always makes me cross.

And so eventually, after surviving two attacks of cramp in Caliburn, we arrived in Granville, in Normandy. I’ve bagged myself a hotel for tonight and tomorrow I’m going to find a holiday flat for 10 days or so while I plan my next move.

Tuesday 28th March 2017 – I’VE LOST COUNT …

… of the number of times that I’ve stepped out of my life. Just thrown a few boxes of stuff into the back of an old car, said “goodbye cruel world” and moved on.

And yet, as I sit in my little hotel room in Poitiers, I can reflect on the fact that however many times I’ve done that in the past, here’s another time to be going on with, because I’m doing it again.

I’ve long-since come to the conclusion that I can no longer carry on at the farm. I can’t even drag myself upstairs, never mind a pile of wood, water, food, all that kind of thing. I can feel myself going downhill from one day to the next and if I feel like this now, what am I going to feel like in 8 months time when winter starts? Being too ill to move in minus 16°C with no heat and no mobile phone signal to call for help is not really such a good idea.

And so I need to move on now. While I still can. And so for the last week or so I’ve been packing up boxes of my more important stuff and bunging them into the back of Caliburn. And after a visit to the bank at 17:00, we hit the road.

I’ve not taken some stuff that I wanted, and that’s for sure. The furniture that I had set aside, I’m not up to mountaineering across the barn to fetch it (yes, I’m beginning to realise that I’ve left this “moving” lark a little too late, haven’t I?”. And other things that I dearly wanted to take with me – well, I can’t find them anywhere as far as I have looked.

But a few things are notable by their consistency. I’ve always taken with me my LPs and my guitar (the Gibson EB3 bass) and they are all comfortable in the back of Caliburn. In fact, the guitar was the first thing to go in.

Howeer, to return things to their proper order, I had another good sleep last night. Tossing and turning a little as I seem to do these days, nevertheless it’s really comfortable in my bed. And then a nice early rising and breakfasting long before the alarm went off.

After a nice repose, I then attacked the barn once more, looking for some more stuff (that I didn’t find, of course) and making sure that I had forgotten nothing. And then taking down some more stuff to put in Caliburn.

Once that was all out of the way, I locked up the barn completely and then made a start on tidying up the attic and cleaning everything. I did have half a mind to take a pile of stuff down to the launderette to wash but that can al wait for some other time.

After lunch, Ingrid came round to visit me again and we blitzed the attic, vacuuming it and cleaning it from top to toe. It’s never been looking as nice as it does right now, that’s for sure. Everything else was loaded into the back and we sat down for a breather. THis was the first time that I’ve ever been ready well in advance of leaving. usually it’s all a last-minute rush.

Ingrid and I said our goodbyes and I went to Pionsat and the Post Office to stop my post deliveries. But as you might expect, the Post Office was closed. No idea what will happen about that now as I had dismantled the post box before I left.

At the bank I concluded the business that I had started the other day, and then we hit the highway. Me, Caliburn and Strawberry Moose. Only a vague idea of where we’re going to go. At the moment we are just going to drift around until we find somewhere nice to live. Somethind will turn up – it usually does… "it’s called “Prison”" – ed.

But driving through the mountains of the Creuse I was listening to Carole King singing “You make me feel like a natural woman”. Well, as it happened, I was feeling like a natural woman too, but where I was going to find one around there is anybody’s guess.

Monday 27th March 2017 – I AM COMPLETELY …

… utterly and absolutely whacked.

It all went wrong at about 04:30 when I awoke. 5 or so hours sleep – that’s not bad going.

And I couldn’t go back to sleep either and so by 06:30 I was up and about, tucking into my breakfast when the alarm went off.

After a brief (and I DO mean brief) pause, I went out to work. Whenever have I been out at work before 09:00? And by 10:30 I’d searched through the bits of the barn that were accessible (and a few bits that weren’t either) and while I did find a few things that will come in useful, I didn’t find what I was looking for.

And then I decided to tackle the job that I have been putting off and off for the last 6 years, ever since I returned from selling Expo – and that was to attack the stack of boxes in the lean-to.

6 years hasn’t been kind to them and there are several, complete with their contents, that are totally beyond redemption. Whatever I was keeping, and why I was keeping it, it’s all academic now. I filled another couple of bags of rubbish and that’s not half of it.

But at least by lunchtime that was half of the lean-to sorted through and a couple of boxes rescued. I dragged myself up into the attic for a break and a butty. I reckoned that I had earned it.

A little later, I was joined by Ingrid and we had a really good chat for an hour. We discussed the lean-to and then, to my surprise, Ingrid girded up her loins and we both went downstairs to attack the rest of the lean-to. The beauty of there being two of us was that we were much more focused and within about 45 minutes it had all been reviewed and a few more boxes rescued.

Good old Ingrid.

That was enough for today. Ingrid went home and I had to go to Evaux-les-Bains – apparently I had left a pile of papers and some money (and not an inconsiderable amount) in the hire car when I took it back on Friday.

So what a day. I’m done for, I reckon. I managed some pasta, mushrooms and ratatouille for tea, and now it’s bedtime. I can’t move.

But at least that’s a few things accomplished. And if I had more time, there would be more accomplished too. A raging bonfire is called for, I reckon. We’ve not had one in a bit.

And funnily enough, listening to the music and Velvet Underground come on. “I am tired, I am weary. I could sleep for a thousand years”.

Sounds about right.

Sunday 26th March 2017 – I SHOULD HAVE …

… gone out this afternoon but for some reason or other I wasn’t feeling up to it.

I’d had a late night last night and had a little awakening some time before the dawn. But I went back to sleep again and the beauty of it being Sunday and no alarm was that it was 09:45 when I finally awoke.

To find bright blue skies and a gorgeous sunlight pouring into the house. In fact, the temperature reached over 20°C in the attic, without any heating at all.

A leisurely breakfast followed as I slowly came round to face the day, and then after a while I attacked the sorting out of the attic. Everything that I can think of taking – with the possible exception of some food to tide me over for the next few days, was all boxed up and ready to go. And seeing as it was a bright sunny day, I vacuumed the place again with the vaccum cleaner thingy that I have.

That took me up to 13:00 and I should be now have been at Le Quartier. But sod that for a game of soldiers. I wasn’t up to it and so I stayed here and had a butty and a rest to gather up my strength.

Liz, Ingrid and Rosemary were on line so I had quite a lengthy chat with everyone. And by this time it was 16:00. I can’t sit here all day idly doing nothing. I started to move the boxes from here and from the bedroom downstairs.

I gave Caliburn another tidying out and then put the boxes in the back. I fetched a pile of stuff from the downhill lean-to and put that in there too. 12 boxes in all, and all of that took well over an hour. By the time I had finished and crawled (and I DO mean crawled) back up to the attic I was finished. From deciding that I needed a coffee to actually summoning up the force to make it, it took me an hour.

But I’d had a visitor too. A young boy who told me that he was looking for diodes and things like that. But it looked mighty creepy to me.

Tonight I finished off Ingrid’s stuff (the lentil, pepper and tomato sauce stuff was even yet better tonight) and once I can do the washing up, I’ll be off to bed.

But I bet that it’s going to be another hour before I can summon up the energy to do that. I’m clearly not well, as we all know and I must stop harping on about it.

Saturday 25th March 2017 – I’VE JUST SEEN …

… the most extraordinary football match.

Puy-de-Dome League Division 4 and two teams – St Gervais d’Auvergne III at home to Charbonnières II. Charbonnières were streets better than St Gervais – they missed a sitter almost from the kick-off but took the lead after about 5 minutes with a soft goal through the St Gervais keeper’s legs.

All one-way traffic it was with Charbonnières making it look so easy, and only some last-ditch outstretched feet and some astonishing saves by the St Gervais keeper who, I reckoned, knew absolutely nothing about any of them, just being in the right place at the right time and diving the right way, prevented Charbonnières from running riot.

But it was all too easy for Charbonnières and after about half an hour they eased off for some reason or other, and I don’t know why. And then the inevitable happened. A harmless cross into the penalty area, the Charbonnières keeper palmed it away, the loose ball hit one of his own defenders on the back and rolled across the line into the net.

Stunned silence from the crowd.

In the second half, Charbonnières struggled to get going. St Gervais were quite awful but they were slowly growing in confidence, with the opponents becoming more and more frustrated.

And then it happened.

A cross from the wing into the centre of the field, a St Gervais player hitting it on the half volley, and there we were, a most unlikely 2-1 for St Gervais.

Even more unlikely was that St Gervais scored a third just minutes later!

As the game progressed, Charbonnières finally awoke and went back on the rampage, with some more outstretched feet and some very fortunate goalkeeping keeping them out. But they did pull one back from a free kick with just minutes to go.

In the final minute or so Charbonnières threw everything, including the kitchen sink, at the St Gervais defence, and then we had a wild clearance out of the defence. The Charbonnières defenders had the idea of stepping up three paces to catch the St Gervais attacker offside.

But ohhh woe! Woe!

They were in the St Gervais half, and an attacker can’t be offside if he’s in his own half. The attacker picked up the ball, advanced totally unopposed on the Charbonnières goal and slotted the ball underneath the isolated keeper. 4-2.

And that was that. And the crowd are still shaking their heads even now.

The second match was between the St Gervais Second team and the First XI of Charbonnières, and this was much more evenly matched. Charbonnières took the lead with a good header, and as the game wound down towards the end, they slowed down the game. But two dramatic late goals from St Gervais turned the match around and Charbonnières then tried to speed up the game. But they couldn’t come back.

We had a few little niggles but all-in-all it was a good game.

But I’ll tell you something. I complained the other day about the lack of solidarity that I have received from most of my “friends” in the Auvergne. Today, there were several people whom I knew from Pionsat’s football team and while they all said “hello”, not one of them came to sit with me for a little chat, even though it’s been 18 months or so since I was last at a match and they all know about my health issues.

I’m really disappointed about that.

So last night was another bad night for me – awake in the middle of the night and then wide awake definitively at about 05:45. Up here in the attic (with a fire burning) long before the alarm.

After a brief rest I took a pile of boxes downstairs to Caliburn and loaded him up, and also put in some stuff from the verandah. Then I nipped off to the Intermarche at Pionsat for some bread and so on.

I didn’t do much when I returned, and after lunch I crashed out for an hour or so.

But before going to the football I removed almost all of the boxes from the attic and put them in Caliburn. That was heavy work and exhausted me completely. There’s still stuff to pack up here, but that’s Tuesday morning’s job.

And now I’m back from the footy I’m going to be doing the washing-up and then going to bed.

Sunday is a day of rest, but I bet that it won’t be.

Friday 24th March 2017 – CALIBURN HAS RETURNED!

And I should know, because I had to go and fetch him back. Of course that meant that I had to take back the little Skoda hire car but that’s no big deal.

Caliburn has had his rear end fixed (they even repaired the towing light sockets that I broke about 5 years ago but I didn’t say anything) and not only that, the nearside was stripped bare, all of the rust and stone chips ground out, the bare metal treated with anti-oxydiser, everything stopped, filled and sanded down, and a coat of primer then a coat of paint and then some varnish.

All of that came to a mere €283 – well, my bit did anyway – and I was expecting it to be more than twice that.

It’s true to say that you can see the join between the old and the new paintwork, but I’m not bothered about that. Caliburn is 10 years old and showing his age like I am. I just need him to keep on going for as long as I do without dropping to bits – that’s the plan anyway. Spending less than €300 to keep the bodywork together sounds like a good investment to me.

Last night was not so good. I went off to sleep easily enough but was awake by about 04:30 and struggled to go back to sleep again. By 06:30 I was up and about, and drinking my morning coffee when the alarm went off.

It was cold, damp, wet and miserable too, and so I lit a fire. I’ve decided that I need to keep warm no matter what while I’m here. It’s not as if I’m short of wood, as Terry keeps on reminding me.

I didn’t do much though this morning – spending a lot of time thinking about this and that and tidying up a pile of files on the computer that I have here – the old one with the smashed screen that I use as a desktop computer with added mouse, keyboard and external screen (the HDMI socket of the DVD viewer in fact).

Lunch was the rest of Ingrid’s delicious soup and then gathering my wits, I decided on a plan of attack. I fought (and I DO mean “fought”) my way into the verandah and the lean-to.

And there I really did hit the depths of despair because everything that I had set aside all those years ago – everything from Expo, the crockery and cutlery that I had bought specially – well, it’s all in a lamentable state having been stored in the verandah and the lean-to for 6 years. I should really have unpacked it all years ago, but I really didn’t have anywhere to put it.

Anyway, that really depressed me. I started dumping stuff into plastic bags to take to the tip – piles and piles of it – but that was soul-destroying and I lost all enthusiasm. The freezing cold and driving rain didn’t help matters either. I ended up with nowhere to put anything.

Instead , I went and fetched Caliburn, and then came up here for a warm by the fire and some more of Ingrid’s pepper, lentil and tomato sauce to go with my pasta.

Now I shall endeavour to fight off the depression that I’m in and go to bed. And hope that I can sleep too. It’s been a long hard day and the next four days are going to be even worse.

Thursday 23rd March 2017 – COURGETTE LEEK AND POTATO …

… soup for lunch. Tea was lentil, pepper and tomato sauce for my pasta, all followed by a raspberry and banana dessert.

The Lap of Luxury, you might think, and indeed you would be right because I had a Meals on Wheels service today. Ingrid came round with a pile of goodies that she had made this morning, especially for me!

Last night, my bunged-up nose and me were in bed early enough and I was soon asleep curled up under the quilt. I had to leave the bed at one point, but here’s a thing – when I went back to sleep it was until the alarm awoke me. And it’s been a while since that has happened.

Pouring with rain outside and cold, wet and miserable inside. I held off for a couple of hours but there’s no point in killing myself for no good reason – I ended up lighting the fire. And it soon became warm in here too. I meant to do some more packing but I couldn’t find the enthusiasm (no big surprise here). I just sat in the warm.

Ingrid came round at lunchtime with my food parcels and in exchange I gave her the big vegetable steamer that I was intending to use on my woodstove. No point in my keeping that now – it may as well go to a good home.

After Ingrid left, I carried on with a little (just a little) desultory tidying up but not making progress, and at 16:00 I rang up to enquire about Caliburn. Apparently he’s still not ready and won’t be done until tomorrow afternoon. And so I curled up in the warmth again.

I had my tea, with grateful thanks again to Ingrid, and then a little relax before going to bed.

But I need to organise myself much more than this. It’s all very well saying that I have nowhere to put anything until Caliburn comes back, but while this s true, I could be doing other stuff. But the weather is getting me right down. I can’t do anything when it’s cold, damp and wet.

I need a change.

Wednesday 22nd March 2017 – ONE THING …

… about being in bed early is that there I was, out like a light, with just the odd bit of tossing and turning, and that was how I stayed until about 06:40. Totally painless. And with the early morning sun streaming into my room, I felt so much better than I did yesterday.

But it had been freezing in the night. The windows in the attic roof were all iced over. But nevertheless it was reasonably warm in the attic while I had my breakfast.

And then I had some work to do. The technician was due to arrive and so it was a good reason to do a little tidying up. And with the bright sunlight I could use the vacuum cleaner too. That didn’t take too long at all.

When he arrived, he told me that the fault wasn’t at my place but at the exchange (GRRRR – after all that!) and in fact, when I looked, I noticed that I had a connection. he helped me configure it and then cleared off. And, as luck would have it, I received a message from Orange to say that as the fault was not on my premises, I wouldn’t be charged for the call-out.

And so as I settled down again, I had a phone call from Ingrid. She had to go to Marcillat and so I invited her round for a coffee – that’s the least that I can do. And that meant that I had to tidy up here in the attic too. I need to be pushed like this.

Anyway, she came round and we had a coffee and a good chat, and then, much to my surprise, she made me a sandwich. And, while I was eating that, she fetched me up a huge pile of wood. Saying that I was overwhelmed is the least of it.

We nipped into Pionsat for the Bank appointment and then came back here for another coffee before she hit the road back to Biollet. I made some tea and then, still struggling with my cold and cough, I headed off to bed.

My bed is absolutely beautiful and it’s soooooooo comfortable, and it’s a shame that I can’t take it with me. It’s out of the question for me to struggle with it out through the window here and down the scaffolding. I remember the issues that I had trying to get it up into the bedroom.

I shall have to think of a Plan B, and I have one in mind

Tuesday 21st March 2017 – AS FOR LAST NIGHT …

… it was nothing like as good as the previous one.

But then again, there’s a good reason for that. And that is that somewhere in the middle of it all I had a very severe attack of cramp. And severe it was too -it kept me awake for ages while I tried to calm it down. And then it would go, so I would turn over, and it would come back again. This went on for hours, I reckon.

And then, I was awake at 06:00 – such are the perils of having an early night. I really do need to get my life back on track.

After breakfast I had a little relax and then slowly headed off into Pionsat.

First port of call was the Intermarché and a loaf of bread for he next couple of days. Man might not be able to live by bread alone, but I can if I have some stuff to go on it. Next port of call was the bank because I need to make some kind of financial arrangements for my future. They fixed an appointment for tomorrow at 16:30.

But outside, I bumped into Simon. Long time no see indeed but news of my impending demise had even filtered through to him. He invited me for a coffee and I agreed – but a little later as I still had two things to do.

The most important was to contact my internet supplier and have a moan about my Livebox not working. After much binding in the marsh they agreed to send out a technician to sort me out. At my charge of course, but some things you need to do. That’s tomorrow morning too.

And then round to Clare’s. She had been concerned about me when I was missing the other week and had even gone round to my house to see if I had arrived there. I had to express my gratitude and offer a bottle of wine in recompense. It’s the least that I can do in the circumstances.

I had a good chat with Simon and Desirée at their little office. I’m amazed at how domesticated and suburbanised Simon has become since he married. It’s clearly doing him good, so good luck to him.

Back here, my exertions finally caught up with me and I was stark out for a few hours. And then I began a little desultory packing, with a pause to watch a film. That took me nicely up to tea time, when a couple of handfuls of pasta, some vegetables and tomato sauce did the trick. I wasn’t all that hungry.

And then, bedtime. No idea why I’m so exhausted. It’s not as if I’ve spent too much time running around today – physically, that is.

And so I have realised, rather unfortunately, that I’m not going to be able to keep on going out here. I don’t even have the energy to pack up this place. Or anything like it. I am just not up to it. Even climbing up the stairs into the attic is killing me.

I shall have to take what I’ve got in Caliburn and head off to find some peace and solitude somewhere.

What a shame!

Monday 20th March 2017 – NOW I KNOW …

… why I spent all that money two years ago buying that new bed and expensive mattress and all of that nice bedding. For I was out like a light last night and had one of the most comfortable sleeps that I have had in years. So much so that in fact I was rather reluctant to leave it.

Even more so when I saw what the weather was doing outside. Cold wet and grey, just like I was feeling in fact, so no change there.

But anyway, I managed a decent breakfast – muesli with soya milk, an apple puree thing and grapefruit juice all washed down with coffee of course. And then gathering my wits as well as a few things here and there, Caliburn, Strawberry Moose and I hit the streets.

We ended up at Evaux-les-Bains where I took Caliburn to the menders. Regular readers of this rubbish will recall that back in October in Brussels, Caliburn was the victim of a Belgian driver who didn’t know where the brakes were on his car. Anyway, today he goes to be mended.

And not only that, there’s some rust creeping through that’s making him look a little untidy, and so he’s having that attended to. He’ll be 10 in a couple of weeks time and, unfortunately, he’s starting to show his age. But then, aren’t we all?

They had a little Skoda Fabia for me to borrow while he’s being fixed (that’s why I’m having his body done right now – while I have free access to a hire car). It’s not a bad little car but it’s very plasticky and I can’t see anyone having 10 years out of one of these. But it’s free for five days so good luck to me.

Once I was properly organised I went round to Ingrid’s at Biollet. Ingrid was the only one of my Auvergnat friends who came to see me while I was really ill (of course, never forgetting Jean-Marc who drove all the way from Macon to see me, for which I will always be grateful) and it’s only right that I go to thank her. Generally-speaking, my Auvergnat friends turned out to be one big disappointment. When the going got tough, they certainly got going – but in the opposite direction.

And after all that I’ve done for them too.

Ingrid and I had coffee and a good chat which was very nice, and then I had to go to Montlucon to change my Livebox – that seems to be the reason why I’m not connecting to the internet. And Ingrid offered to come too for the ride and the company which was nice.

Changing the Livebox was a matter of minutes and then it was lunchtime. We repaired to a cafe across the street which fixed us a couple of salads and the dressing was superb.

By now, the sun was out and it was a glorious day – far too nice to go back home, and so I proposed a trip to Clermont Ferrand. Something that I needed to do there and now seemed like as good a time as any. We had an exciting time trying to find the Prefecture, and an even more exciting time trying to find the car afterwards. But it was only 5 minutes at the Prefecture and we spent the remainder of the two hours sitting in the sunshine at a cafe on the Place de Jaude. And very nice it was too.

I stopped for a coffee back at Ingrid’s and then headed for home. The Skoda is a nice little car but it’s not for me – I’ll tell you that for nothing. And back here I crashed out. It had been a long tiring day and I’m not as young as I was.

And the new Livebox?

That’s not perishing working either!

EPIC HALL

The Poisoned Pen (or Poisoned Chalice, more like) – or my relentless struggle against reality