… to be sitting at your desk early in the morning working and, rather miraculously, a mug of hot black coffee mysteriously appears at your elbow?
Believe it or not, that was probably the nicest part of the day if you ask me, because the rest of it wasn’t quite so good.
Take last night as an example. I was working away so intently that I hadn’t noticed how late it was. I knew that it was knocking on but 01:43 was not what I expected to see when I glanced at the clock. It was round about 02:00 when I finally crawled into bed. The surprising thing, though, was that I wasn’t tired at all. I could have carried on for ever.
Once I was in bed, I was staying in bed. I didn’t wake up at all until the alarm went off at 06:29 this morning. And it goes without saying that I could have stayed in bed then. Instead, it took a herculean effort to raise myself from the Dead.
No sign of life at all coming from the living room. I think that the Hound of the Baskervilles and his master were both fast asleep. Instead, I went through the coding that my chatbot and I had written last night. When I found what I thought might be an error, I woke up the chatbot and we carried on making amendments.
It wasn’t until 09:17 that we were finally satisfied. Mind you, that included a stoppage for the nurse when he came, and also to drink a lovely mug of coffee.
And the Hound of the Baskervilles was wonderful too. He usually barks at strangers, but when the nurse came, he didn’t make a noise but wagged his tail. It’s been over three months since he was last here, but he still remembers at what time the nurses arrive and who they are.
But going back to our coding issues, we could—and should—have finished a long time earlier. However, during one of the exercises that we did to find the fault, the chatbot had told me to switch off a plugin while we tried something. And, of course, he never told me to switch it back on, so I hadn’t, and all the checks after that were therefore useless.
After I’d finished, I checked the dictaphone to find out where I’d been during the night. However, there were no dreams recorded. But what do you expect when you go to bed at 02:00 and wake up at 06:29? There isn’t enough time to go anywhere interesting at all, let alone chat with anyone when you get there.
Instead, I went into the bathroom to sort myself out and then went for a very late breakfast. It was 10:27 when I started to make my porridge and toast, and all of 11:27 when I’d finished. Where did the morning go?
After a quick dash for a ride on the porcelain horse, I came back in here to finish off a few times, and it was then time to sort myself out for dialysis. My faithful cleaner was quite late today, and poor Pablo was already pining. It’s quite amazing that he knows what time she usually comes here, even after all that time away.
When she finished and had given Pablo a really good cuddle and stroke, my friend and I sat around, waiting for the taxi to come. And when it turned up, only five minutes early today now that there is no Mrs. Dinosaur to pick up, I found that we already had one passenger aboard and there was someone else to pick up at the aquagym at St. Pair.
We were all having such a good chat that our driver missed her turn, and I had to remind her that we had a third passenger to pick up. It wasn’t long though until everyone was in the car and we could set off.
At Avranches, I was first out of the taxi at about 13:50, but my luck wasn’t as good as usual, and it was 14:20 when I was finally plugged in. We had quite an argument about my dry weight, and in the end, they connected up the machine to measure it. And rather than going up a little, as I expected, it was continuing on its downward spiral. This is going to be interesting.
Apart from the alarm on the blood pressure machine going off every half-hour and bringing the nurses running for no good reason, everyone left me alone so that I can watch the football from the weekend.
The first match was the rest of Hwlffordd v Cambrian United. It eventually finished 2-1 to Hwlffordd, giving them their first goals and first points of the season. It’s not that Cambrian United weren’t every bit as good, it’s just that, as a newly promoted team, they weren’t as experienced and streetwise as their opponents.
The next match was between two newly promoted teams, Airbus UK Broughton and Trefynnon. Trefynnon are having a wretched time of it – at the bottom of the table and with a goal difference through which you could drive a bus. And things weren’t any better for them on Friday as they crashed 6-2.
Again, it’s not as if they were that much worse than their opponents. It’s the first time that they have been in the Premier League for nearly 30 years, whereas Airbus were up here a couple of years ago and finished with the unenviable record of the lowest points total in the league’s history. They have learnt an awful lot since.
The match wasn’t quite finished when they came to unplug me at the end of the session. And under the guiding arms of one of the nursing auxiliaries, I was ushered outside to wait for my taxi.
On the way out, I bumped into Emilie the Cute Consultant. Apparently, she was on her way to see me. She doesn’t have the results of the blood test, so the next steps are as yet unclear. I told her that I would consider anything as long as it wasn’t stuffing a camera up my nose and down my throat. Regular readers of this rubbish will recall that I had one of those a couple of months ago, and never again!
It was only a five-minute wait, and there was someone else in the car when it turned up, so we had to come home via Longueville to drop her off. Nevertheless, I was still back home by some reasonable time.
My faithful cleaner helped me into the apartment and stuck a disgusting drink into my sweaty mitt, and then she went off to make a fuss of the Hound of the Baskervilles. I’ll tell you – he has more luck with the ladies than I do.
After she left, my friend stuck a bowl of food in my sweaty little mitt – baked sliced potato, onion, and leftovers from last night. It would have made a really good base for a “bubble and squeak”, but nevertheless, it really was nice as it was.
When I’d finished, I washed up and then came back in here to write up my notes. However, all of the energy that I had last night has well and truly gone. “I’m not staying up until 02:00 tonight!” I told my friend, so I posted what I’d done so far and then crawled into bed. I can finish everything off tomorrow.
But before I go, seeing as we have been talking about the Hound of the Baskervilles … "well, one of us has" – ed … he’s actually a fully trained rescue and sniffer dog – honestly.
One day, he’s out on patrol with a police officer, and the dog suddenly becomes excited and rushes towards a pedestrian.
The police officer grabs the pedestrian and says "I’m going to have to search you. This dog tells me that you’re carrying drugs."
"Carrying drugs?" queries the pedestrian. "And you’re the one going around talking to dogs"
