Well, maybe the sleep thing did last night. I seemed to have something of a (slightly better) night and when the nurse came to take my blood pressure and temperature at 07:40 I was dead to the world. In fact the sudden shock of waking up completely dislodged every last detail of wherever it was that I was a-wandering, which is a shame.
After breakfast, I had a couple of visits. Firstly, the nurse came in to change the needle in my chemotherapy port. And I know the nurse from my other visits to the hospital – she’s quite efficient and she didn’t hurt me half as much as any of the others have done. And that’s something, I suppose.
And then I had the doctor, and she brought me some more depressing news (if that could be possible). Firstly, the biopsy on my kidneys is postponed until tomorrow and I don’t like that idea – I just wish that they would get it over and done with.
But secondly, she told me that they have now officially decided that chemotherapy isn’t working as it is supposed to. Like me, they were expecting to see something positive in the way of results by now and they are a little bewildered. As a result, they are going to take another sample of bone marrow on Thursday – and how I will detest that (I can still feel the last lot) and see whether that will give them a further clue. But this isn’t the news that I was hoping to hear – not in the least – and I’m starting to become a little concerned.
The third visit that I had, after lunch, was only guaranteed to increase my apprehension. It was the surgeon who is going to work on me tomorrow. He wanted to tell me – in great detail too, about what he is going to do to me, and I almost had to sit on his head to stop him. I’m useless in hospital and I don’t want to be hearing about things like this. It just drives me into a cold sweat and then I spend all night worrying about it and that’s horrible.
Other news is that my room-mate has been discharged. This could be good news (I might end up on my own for a while and I’m much better on my own as I’m sure that you know) and it could be bad news, because my previous companion was quite good, quiet and didn’t snore. I’m not sure that I’ll find another one so companionable. I bet that it’s unlikely.
And so apart from that, I’ve been chatting to Liz on the internet and doing some work updating my blog and not very much else. As I have said before, it’s very hard for me to summon up the enthusiasm right now.
But we’ll see what tomorrow brings. I’m not looking forward to it, or for the following day either. And the results will be even worse, I reckon. But I must stop thinking like this. Focus on the positives – I mean, I haven’t spent a single cent in over a week and that’s surely something to celebrate.
