As well as that, I spent half an hour or so asleep on the chair this morning. But then again, that’s no surprise either when you consider that I awoke at 04:10 this morning, despite how tired I was last night before going to bed.<\/p>\n
All in all, it’s not been a very good day at all, and I’m going to have to snap out of this and organise myself properly before long.<\/p>\n
Last night, I finished off by saying how exhausted I was, and I wasn’t wrong. I had never felt so relieved as I did when I finally crawled into bed, bang on 23:00. And the prospect of a deep, uninterrupted sleep of about seven and a half hours was so, so welcoming.<\/p>\n
The deep sleep I certainly had, for I remember absolutely nothing at all about anything during the night. But long, it was certainly not. As I mentioned just now, I was awake at 04:10 and once more, I couldn’t go back to sleep no matter how hard I tried.<\/p>\n
After about an hour of trying, I thought “no time like the present” and arose from the Dead. And it wasn’t easy either.<\/p>\n
Taking advantage of the early start, I dictated the radio notes that I’d written on Wednesday. And I made a total mess of them too. My heart wasn’t in it at all. I remember thinking “this is going to take a lot of editing”.<\/p>\n
When I had finally finished, I had a listen to the dictaphone to see where I had been during the night, and regrettably, there was nothing on there at all. It must have been a really deep sleep. Instead, I checked my mails and had a look at what else had been going on elsewhere during the night.<\/p>\n
Isabelle the Nurse turned up, as cheerful as usual, and she asked me if I’d spoken to them at dialysis about the proposal for chemotherapy on Tuesday. I said that I’d mentioned it, and that they would examine me on Saturday and see how I am. If I’m still full of infection, they won’t allow me to go.<\/p>\n
After she left, I made breakfast and then came back in here to start work.<\/p>\n
There were a few things to do and then, as I mentioned earlier, I rather regrettably fell asleep. I was out of it all for a good half-hour or so too. I really do need to pull myself together and push on. I thought that dialysis was supposed to put an end to all of this.<\/p>\n
Once I’d finally brought myself round into the Land of the Living, I made a start on editing the radio notes that I’d dictated. And I was right about them needing a lot of editing too.<\/p>\n
After a while, I had to break off for a disgusting drink break and to prepare to go to the Centre de R\u00e9-education<\/em>. <\/p>\n My faithful cleaner turned up too ready to start her rounds. She noticed the enormous pile of washing that has built up while I’m waiting for this plumber to fix this leak, and she proposed to take a handful with her so that there could be more room in the basket. And I wish that the plumber would hurry up and sort out his problems and come round to sort out mine.<\/p>\n The taxi turned up on time, with two other passengers so I had to squeeze into the back. And, although you might find this hard to believe seeing as we are in mid-October, going past the port I noticed that they were putting up the Christmas decorations already. That is really taking the mickey.<\/p>\n At the Centre de R\u00e9-education<\/em> the first task was to sit on a chair and pull on some elastics in order to work the muscles in my upper arms. That was OK but the chair was too low and there were no armrests, so it was a nightmare for me to stand up again. <\/p>\n In the end, the monitor had to help me haul myself up, in some kind of bear-hug. And then some passer-by had to pass me my crutches. But while the monitor had me in her arms, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to ask her if she would like to dance.<\/p>\n Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn’t it?<\/p>\n With my physiotherapist, I was given some kind of apparatus to hold my knees steady and then invited to stand up, just pulling on the safety bar of this apparatus. I had about ten attempts, and actually managed it twice. So all is not lost. However, I was completely exhausted trying to do it. It took an awful lot out of me.<\/p>\n The rest of the session was spent walking around in some kind of machine that’s like a walkframe but it’s quite tall, with handles rather like that of a skid steer machine. She asked me if I would like one of these at home, but where on earth would I put it? It wouldn’t go into the boot of a taxi either so it’s quite pointless really.<\/p>\n As I was leaving, they gave me the programme for the next series of sessions, and they are taking the mickey too. Two sessions per day I can just about handle, three is the absolute limit, but giving me four? I put my foot down at that.<\/p>\n One thing that I noticed though was that my effort today was much less than previously. Whether my body has deteriorated over the last week or whether it’s the effect of this infection, I really don’t know. But whatever it is, I don’t like it.<\/p>\n It was a struggle to come back in here from the car and I crashed into a chair, where I sat for a good half-hour or more while I tried to gather my wits – something that should take much less time seeing how few wits I have left these days – and then I came back in here and crashed out definitively.<\/p>\n While I was away on my travels, I was at some point busy untangling small lengths of wire from a huge mass and testing each wire for conductivity. I’m not sure why.<\/p>\n Eventually, I managed to sort myself out and carry on with editing the rest of the radio programme, texting with Rosemary while I was at it.<\/p>\n Tea tonight was vegan sausage, baked beans with cheese and fried mushrooms, and air-fried chips. That was the first meal that I’ve properly enjoyed for quite a while, although after about half an hour, my stomach was back in the usual turmoil.<\/p>\n So now I’m off to bed. And I can’t say that I’m sorry. There’s no point in wishing for a good night’s sleep because it makes no difference what I would like. I’ll “get what I’m given” as my mother used to say.<\/p>\n But before I go, seeing as we have been talking about the washing … "well, one of us has" – ed<\/em> … it reminds me of back in Gainsborough Road. If the man was hanging out the washing, it was always going to be a sunny or windy day. It never rained when he had the clothes out.
\nOne day, I asked him the secret.
\n"It’s the wife’s rheumatism"<\/em><\/strong> he replied. "If she’s lying on her right side, it means that the weather will be damp. If she’s lying on her left side, it means that the weather will be fine, so we do the washing."<\/em><\/strong>
\n"And if she’s lying on her back?"<\/em><\/strong> I asked. "What does that mean?"<\/em><\/strong>
\n"It means that we have far more exciting things to do than to worry about the washing."<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
